Issa Rae, In All Her Splendor, Got Me Thinking…
Issa Rae is GORGEOUS.
Her interview on the Breakfast Club this morning got me to thinking, though. She’s one of those rare frankly honest women who doesn’t sugarcoat her past and present actions, or attempt to justify them with some garbage that insults everyone’s intelligence. I respect that. But while she didn’t express the following (my thoughts, the following) about herself, it sparked a thought about what I have observed from so many women nowadays.
So many “talk” about wanting to get married. Yet, their actions don’t align with such. The so-called “hoe phase” (many people have one, that phase lasts longer for some than others, always by choice, I might add), is one thing, but if you spend 12-15 years after high school living like that, while telling the world that you want to get married, what are you doing?
Sure, there are men who don’t care about your past (yours truly, one of them — as long as it IS your PAST, and not your PRESENT, lest we have zero FUTURE), and there are men who either don’t want kids at all, or already have them and want no more, but if you get with a man who wants kids, and you didn’t stop “hoeing” around until you were 34, 35, what are you doing?
I couldn’t care less how someone lives their life. If it doesn’t directly affect me and I’m not being violated in the process, I got no hell to send you to, and have nothing to gain by harshly judging you. However, if your actions are disparate with your stated objectives, you are going to get looked at side-eyed more so for that, than the mere fact that you are in a “hoe phase.” You don’t have that much more time to bear children once you hit your mid-30s. Who is that fair to?
And the others nowadays, who also profess a desire to marry, effectively selling (expletive) to the highest bidder. They say that, but will ignore the type of men who actually will provide that for them. They go and force something to work with someone who they perceive to be “stable” and have everything in order (before they, the woman, even come into the picture… which is objectionable to the nth degree, but I digress), and don’t dare call them out on this. Worst yet, all the stringent “standards” go out the window when they meet a man who is “ready-made” versus the ridiculous standards that they set (and don’t even meet THEMSELVES) for guys who aren’t “there” yet.
The issue with this is such:
You who think this way are averse to going through anything. You made bad decisions with men before, and now shut down anyone who remotely reminds you of those bad decisions. That’s not how life goes. First off, money comes and goes. Fortunes turn. Seasons change. Trials and tribulations are inevitable. When you go exclusively for guys who you PERCEIVE to be “ready-made” and “got it all together,” what is your course of action if (and often when) trials befall him — and by extension, YOU — are you just going to up and leave and hitch your wagon to the next gravy train of ready-madeness or are you going to realize that you’ve been going about it the wrong way all along?
But what do I know, it’s not like i don’t understand human psychology and sociology on an expert level or anything.