Letter to My Future Wife
One of the things I want you to know is that whether I have known you for years and didn’t realize you were “the one”, have recently met you, or have yet to meet you, that you are fortunate to have not married me before now. I would have destroyed your life when I was in my late 20s and into my early 30s. My own life was in shambles during that time, and despite longing for what my parents have enjoyed for 40 years now, I was ill-prepared to receive such a gift from God without tarnishing you.
In addition to circumstances that were beyond my control for quite some time, I made some brutally awful decisions concerning my choices in women, along with some reckless lifestyle with a good number of them. This is no slight on them, it is more about my own lack of prescience and discipline. If anything, those decisions have delayed things from manifesting in my life in other areas, but we are all a work in progress.
That said, the accumulation of those decisions, along with the trials and tribulations that everyone inevitably faces, has provided me with the ability to develop virtues that I would have never erstwhile developed. Until I was age 28, I had not gone through any struggle whatsoever in my adult life. Imagine what would have happened had I gotten married (even if I understood then, and just better now, what marriage is ultimately about) at that time? I would have eventually screwed up the situation and likely ruined what might have been a good woman.
Fast forward a decade, and, armed with the knowledge and wisdom that I have gained, I have become well-rounded, solidified my emotional intelligence, become more cognizant of everything around me and how my actions affect others. Before my late 20s, I had not been given any real reason to think this way. In other words, God saved me from myself. This is why we are better off not leaning to our own understanding. Our sight lines are limited and often times we make decisions not realizing the ramifications are not always what we bargained for.
Ultimately, because of what trials and struggle have developed in me, I am able to say with full confidence that I will always be there for you. Of the virtues I have developed, patience has increased manifold. The reckless lifestyle got old quickly once I entered my 30s and makes cheating of zero concern. I know I am not missing anything out here “in the field.” However, I have always been this way. If I was in a relationship, I may have noticed and occasionally did a double take if an ultra-fine woman crossed my path, but I never cheated and can say with 100% confidence that I never will. Whenever I value something or someone, I guard it with my life and cherish it (or you, in this case) with the utmost regard. Otherwise, I’d remain single.
I will treat you as my equal, my teammate, the source of wisdom for me whenever I am lacking. I will respect your opinions and perspectives on matters, even if we do not always agree, I know that if I saw enough virtue within you, that knowledge and wisdom would be among those things (beyond looks) and that I could trust your judgment, rather than fighting you and desiring to always be “right.” I promise to be amenable to change and malleable when it comes to parenting techniques, handling finances, and planning for the future. Much like I require from you, I have a distinct and wide-ranging purpose and plan for my life. I will continually work toward it with your help and will do the same equally to help you bring your vision to fruition, as well.
Yes, I will show you off every chance I get. Not because you are some object to lust after, but because I cherish a great gift that God has given me. I believe you are worth it. Some women will be jealous of the way I treat you, but hey, that’s how it should be. If someone is proud to have something or someone, they tend to want to show the world how much they appreciate having that thing or, in this case, that woman.
When you are tired, I will pick up the slack. When you are sick, I will make sure you are comforted and able to mend quicker. When you are frustrated, I will be a listening ear and a stabilizing force for you. When you are upset with me, know beforehand that whatever I have done wasn’t with the intent to cause you anger or harm, and let’s agree to discuss things as we know we are equipped and capable to do so; rather than to fight and have things escalate into the dreaded “irreconcilable differences.”
I will utilize the necessary prescience to not put you and our future children in harm’s way, and use that same prescience to be proactive about situations that will allow us to benefit as a family, rather than reacting to everything in life, as others often make the mistake of doing.
When you are sad, I will be your comforter. Communication is key; if not central to any healthy, long-lasting marriage. I understand this and promise to provide said communication. Effectively. It goes both ways and I expect the same in return, whether you are sad, angry, at odds with me, have a difficult decision to make or whatever your concerns may be. We are in this together. That means working together for the ultimate fulfillment of purpose, not against one another. We are one.
When you have an important business move to make, I will be there front and center and providing whatever I can offer in terms of resources and support. When my sports teams aren’t doing well and yours are, I will support yours for as long as they are alive. Laugh if you must, but I appreciate the same in return. It means a lot. In short, I pledge my full and unconditional support in whatever you do, even if I cannot fully understand your motive or purpose fully. I trust your wisdom and judgment and I believe that if I desire your support in my endeavors, that I should reciprocate in kind. It’s the least I can do.
I need my space, at times, though. And I know you will need yours at times, as well. It’s healthy. I am not someone who anyone wants to be under 24/7 no matter how much they love me LOL. Sometimes I just want to go off on a random drive to nowhere and just think. Sometimes I want to zone out and watch hockey or baseball. Sometimes I just want to watch mindless TV or go fishing, or any other outdoors thing. Sometimes alone. Sometimes with my boys. Oh, we’ll be able to do any and all of these things together, but I don’t want things to get stale. It’s best to have some time apart so that when we come back together after a few hours apart, we will appreciate each other even more so each time. However, if for some odd reason you actually want to be around me as much as possible, I will do my best to accommodate ha.
And yes, I will be spontaneous, making dinner plans or plans to take trips with little to no notice other than, “Get dressed, we’re going out tonight” or “Be packed and ready to go tonight, because we have an 8 am flight to X, Y, Z in the morning.” Spontaneity has been the name of the game in my life. It helps keep me young. I hope you are prepared for the ride. You’ll enjoy it. I’ll make sure of it.
There will be ups. There will be downs. There will be triumphs. There will be disappointments. There will be joy. There will be sorrow. Consistency is one of my proudest character traits. That consistency, coupled with the authenticity and stability that comes with knowledge of self is why I offer myself to you. Of all the things I will promise, the one I can make with 100% certitude is that I will always be “me” and not compare myself to anyone else.
I hope you are ready and willing to do these things in return. We are one.