Nuggets of Wisdom
Does someone who wants to be clean of hard drugs continue to use more of it and hang around those who do so?
Does someone who has a gambling addiction continue to hang around OTB and make weekly trips to ACY or Vegas?
Why, then — you are truly someone who seeks a monogamous lifelong relationship/marriage to one person — would you engage in similar counterintuitive practices that are almost entirely unlikely to yield the results that you desire?
Does a man who claims to want a loving, caring, supportive teammate of a wife expect to “find” her while sleeping with a different woman every month?
Does a woman who revels more in the amount of attention she gets from men have any right to expect a man of virtue to observe this and still come “find” and pursue her?
One of the more trial-by-fire realities of this whole “God blessed marriage” is that often times you will have to do what is rather uncomfortable in order to yield the results you want:
— Be willing to be alone.
— Potentially become completely celibate (hardcore Bible thumpers will argue that this is imperative and do so vociferously).
— Trust God that the Holy Spirit will reveal the right one for you AND that you take the cue and go with it.
— And probably the most uncomfortable of all: refrain from the “throw the $#!% against the wall and hope it sticks” mentality that suggests that by going out on numerous dates with several people at one time, that one will stand out and come to the forefront.
This is not so. A woman who meets a man who she knows is dating several other women is not going to be inclined to become exclusive with that man. While dating several people does not make one a “whore”, it does raise red flags and appear questionable in the eyes of marriage-minded people. The same for a man who meets a woman who openly admits to dating several other men in the hopes that one will stand out. There is no exclusivity, and a lot of this practice resolves around risk aversion and vulnerability; two of the very things that one cannot be focused upon if you are going to have a worthwhile, long-term relationship.
Seeking to engage in risk mitigation and attempting to erase any trace of vulnerability are the things that people engage in when they operate with walls up. And as we know, you cannot operate with walls erected and expect to experience the beauty that is reciprocity in a relationship. You will expect it from the other person, but won’t offer it, yet won’t understand why the other person is displeased when they express that they are giving 100% and you are giving 50%, despite deluding yourself into believing that you are giving them 100%.
These are harsh realities, but a lot of what’s “wrong” in the dating/courting landscape today is the fact that courting itself is a lost art, and dating has become more of a commodities trade, rather than a get-to-know-you-as-I-need-to type of process. For some, it is just leverage for selfish gain; whether it is sexual pleasure, material things, or the ability to revel in the status of the other person.
From a man’s perspective, these are the qualities that a man who desires marriage for the right reasons is looking out for in a woman:
And Steve Harvey is naturally way off base in polluting the minds of women; women are not to “Act Like a Woman and Think Like a Man,” they are to Act like a woman and UNDERSTAND how men think with regards to communication styles and actions, just as men are to act like MEN and UNDERSTAND (even though there is a requirement for men to do so, while it is merely optional for women to seek to understand how men think/act and why — end sarcasm) how women communicate, think and act.