Too Good to Be True or Lowered Expectations?
Much has been made in recent years over the increasingly strained, and therefore, increasing level of difficulty in meeting someone of the opposite sex and developing a meaningful relationship. Our social landscape has become rife with cynicism, a growing lack of morality and upstanding people who operate above the table, and, consequently, many people tend to look for flaws (which will always arise, since everyone is imperfect), as opposed to realizing that a) this is inevitable, b) they themselves are flawed also, and c) looking for commonalities and things that can actually be built upon within the context of a relationship.
To wit, whenever you hear someone running around saying “Real men blah blah blah”, they are usually the type to hang onto imperfections and more inclined to overlook the goodness in a person. Recently, I ran into a beautiful (looks-wise) young woman who is smart, “independent” and overall has her affairs in order. However, like most women, she has obviously been screwed over by some worthless bag of wind in the past, and, instead of attempting to spend time getting to know me, she immediately shut down because she spotted me leaving the apartment complex that we both live in at night. In reality, I was heading to grab a meal and get some snacks from the convenience store, but her immediate reaction was a suspicious “mmmmm hmmmmm” and I have never heard from her since.
I could not care less, but this is a snapshot of how things tend to go nowadays.
I have often been told (and especially now that I am into my mid-30s) that “You’re too good to be true, how is it that you are not married? Something MUST be seriously wrong and you hide it well” and other variants of misplaced cynicism. Most of the time, when something (or someone) appears “too good to be true” they often are indeed not what they seem. However, there are times when that is not true, and being able to differentiate between the two requires effort (discernment), which everyone has, but few decide to use. By automatically writing off everything and everyone as “too good to be true”, you can talk yourself out of a blessing (or the right person for you). Sadly, many people who engage in this thought process have had poor experiences in the past, and allow those experiences to cloud their better judgment — which also leads them to the notorious “settling” that we’ve all been warned to avoid. Often times, you will see someone who has their affairs in order and then they are caught up with someone who is their complete antithesis. Sometimes, they are hoping to change the slacker, other times it is “safer” to deal with the “known flaws” than to be “surprised” by the unforeseen later, simply because they didn’t want to vet the person properly beforehand.
Furthermore, especially when it comes to men, you have to sometimes give the man credit for having standards. Some women are allowed to have “standards” that virtually require a man to move the moon and stars with just a raise of an eyebrow, and not be criticized for it. However, if a man dares to have any standards beyond aspiring to land a reality TV whore, he’s “asking for too much.” Are these lowered expectation also manifested in the projection onto true blue, honest men and women? Personally, I do not become offended when the worst is assumed of me. I never purport myself to be perfect; however, I do purport myself to be who I truly am, flaws and all — including taking ownership of my wrongs and “blind spots.” I know that I am rare, because the pain and discomfort that come with facing yourself in that manner scares many people from ever doing so (and thereby, they are never fully honest with themselves NOR anyone who they enter into relationships with). I require the same transparency that I provide. If that makes me “too good to be true” then so be it.
I was heading to Burger King and the Kangaroo convenience store, and was forthcoming about it, yet her thoughts immediately turned to me either going to smash a chick and/or score some drugs. All because I left at the “ungodly hour” of 10:30 PM (1:30 AM might have aroused more suspicion), but people need healing, man. You can have all the material wealth that you want, but if you do not reconcile your past broken relationships, you will cost yourself in the future.
This young lady definitely did, because once you are gone from my phone and I begin intentionally looking through you whenever I see you, it’s a wrap for you.
For yes, it is easy to paint a broad brush and say that everything that appears to be “too good to be true probably is indeed too good to be true”, but that is the easy way out; one that gives the user an escape to avoid using discernment, and utilizing any real effort to vet something or someone properly.