“Easy” or Simply “Approachable”?


“Easy” or Simply “Approachable”?
M.D. Wright
7.29.2013

I have heard some nonsense in my day. Much of it I shrug off for my own mental well-being. The only thing that drives me to stroke/coronary levels of neurosis is terrible driving. Many people have become privy to my road rage over the past weekend. A problem that was once getting better has reached an all-time low.

But I digress.

This piece is slotted to address a pretty sensitive topic: the assertion by non-White women that “White women are easy, that’s the only reason he’s with her.” There are so many levels to this; much of it unfounded to flat out untrue, some of it understandable, so it would be irresponsible to turn and paint everyone who mutters that phrase with the same brush.

For one, there are some easy White women out there. However, guess what? There are easy Black, Latina, Asian and women who are a mixture of each of those who are easy. As a student of social sciences, I deal with people on an individual basis by trained default. That’s a lot more than I can say for others, and my neurosis regarding people using absolute, all-inclusive terms such as “all”, “every”, “always”, “never/ever” when referring to groups of people literally causes me to clench my jaws and grind my teeth. But again, I digress, my personal feelings are neither here nor there.

An approachable woman, whether greeting a man with a sincere smile, by flirting, or being well… a flat out whore, is a woman who will curry favor with a man. A woman who walks around guarded 24/7 because she receives cat calls every time she walks to the deli from her office, or to the subway to venture out, or has been mistreated by an ex or two (or a dozen) is often less inclined to be approachable; regardless of her “race.” Furthermore, as a defense mechanism, the steely, tunnel-vision exterior is not only designed to repel the wolves amongst the male species, but doubles (at times) as a look of consternation towards women who are affable and easygoing with men. Without getting too deeply involved in the socioeconomic, community, ethnic/cultural factors that play a role in forming the experiences of women from these various ethnic groups, I know that there are multiple levels to this, which is why I do not get too upset anymore when I hear the aforementioned phrase being mumbled in the back of a club when these types of scenarios play out. For a visual, think about how a woman who lives in suburbia who never lives in an urban setting is approached by men versus women who live in a densely populated urban setting where everyone literally lives on top of one another — i.e. New York City, and you will get a glimpse of the parallels that I am drawing here, and how the paths diverge.

Worse yet, is when the ones who say “she’s easy (and happens to be White), that’s the only reason he’s with her” know that they cannot expect to draw the attention of hardly any man — wolf or gentleman or otherwise — when they have to “compete” with a woman who willfully smiles, flirts or speaks before a guy even decides to approach her (or sees her). Seeing easygoing women makes those who walk around with walls resentful, because it means they will have to come out of that comfort zone that they have deluded carved out for themselves. You know this is true at times, when it is uttered about a woman that they do not even know from a face in a crowd of thousands. The assumption is that she is easy solely because she garnered the attention of the man that the other woman probably wishes she had, but could not come down off her James Evans mean-mug long enough to either speak or present herself in an approachable manner. Sometimes, the assumption isn’t even that she is truly easy, but an outward expression of the resentment that develops upon the realization that walking around looking like a hired hitman is not conducive to attracting anything more than worthless scum from “around the way.”

I’d sure like to see some statistical analysis representing how many women have developed and maintained healthy relationships with a man as a result of “attracting” him with her 24/7 impersonation of Queen Latifah in “Set it Off” versus the women who are affable, approachable and the only “easy” thing about them is how a genuine smile comes across their face as they greet you. I’m sure there would be some pretty obtuse results.

If you truly want to be left alone and have no desire to ever be involved with anyone, then this note was not for you, so save the contrarian/Devil’s Advocacy comments LMFAO.

Dirk Nowitzki and Girlfriend 1

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