Who Are the REAL “Maniacs” on Our Roads?

Who Are the REAL “Maniacs” on Our Roads?
M.D. Wright

I am hereby issuing a retraction.

I do not “Drive like a maniac.” I drive like I have someplace to go, and have never caused a wreck in 19 years behind the wheel and nearly 700,000 miles driven.


— People who sit at an arrowed light and wait until the last second to pull off, usually because they are on their phones posting stupid CAT MEMES or applying makeup or fumbling in the back seat or passenger seat for something that can WAIT. This, in turn, leads the person who was already pissed that they got caught at the light twice before and has someplace to go, to speed up and attempt to beat the light, only to crash into someone who now has the green light from another direction.

— People who shift lanes recklessly, even though traffic in each lane is equally backed up. This person goes back and forth like someone pacing the floor hoping to hold off their flooded bladder or something. It isn’t going to get you anyplace up the road any sooner, Mack. And even worse? You are likely (and I’ve seen it happen) to clip someone whose sensibly idling at 20 MPH or less because they are checking four or five cars ahead to see that they are not going anywhere anytime soon. That’s a maniac.

— People who drive the speed limit or BELOW on the left lane. Seriously? Do people understand what this does to the flow of traffic? No one cares how “uncomfortable” you feel doing 5-10 miles over the speed limit, if the rules of the road are, “Slower Traffic Keep Right” and you are driving slower than people who *GULP, GOD FORBID!* HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO, YOU MOVE YOUR BOAT OUT OF THE WAY SO THAT THEY CAN PASS. Additionally, this driving tactic (as if said person(s) are a pacer car at the Indianapolis 500?) used by control freaks who like to “regulate” traffic or simply don’t want to move out of the left lane, causes people to have to pass on the middle and right. With incoming traffic spilling onto the highway, this causes people to have to slam on brakes often, has caused wrecks (again, I’ve been behind this type of thing taking place and saw it first-hand two or three times in my life), and leads to bottlenecks due to merging that otherwise would not be so. You who drive slowly need to stay on the right lane, so that the incoming traffic can actually merge without causing further traffic disruption.

But people who drive fast, make smart moves in traffic that ends up keeping them a good 10 minutes ahead of people heading to the same destination?

More Maniacal Driving Tactics:

— Waiting for 3-4 seconds to pull off from a normal green light. Why?

— Playing games (with a dangerous object such as a 2,000-pound car?) with others on the road by slamming on brakes and then speeding up in order to prevent the person behind the “braker” from passing — all with other drivers minding their business, unawares of this dangerous “game”?

— Cops love to focus on people who do more than 10 over the speed limit, but rarely are they the people who cause wrecks, it is people who cannot negotiate a 4-way stop properly, or follow too closely and are only conscious of things that are within a 10-foot bubble of their own car — THIS MEANS THEY ARE OBLIVIOUS OF THEIR BLIND SPOTS, DON’T CHECK THEIR MIRRORS AND BLIND SPOTS PROPERLY BEFORE CHANGING LANES, FOLLOW TOO CLOSELY AND REAR-END PEOPLE, CAUSING MULTIPLE-CAR PILEUPS BECAUSE THEY WERE COMPLETELY UNAWARES OF PEOPLE SLAMMING ON BRAKES 20 CARS AHEAD.

Feel free to name the many more instances of “maniacal” driving that schmucks believe is actually “safe” when  it is what causes wrecks, whereas people who drive in a way that many would call “maniacal” are usually the safest drivers on the road with the cleanest driving records.


Family Guy I


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