NFC East Fandom Uniquely Explained
***AS FAR AS THE NFC EAST GOES HISTORICALLY, THESE CHARACTER ANALYSES FIT THE FANDOM TO A T, USING HIGH SCHOOL-TO-ADULTHOOD COMPARISONS:
— Washington Redskins Fans: In the 1980s, until 1992, they were the homely, smelly big dude who somehow gets a ton of chicks, but has spent the past 20 years in a PCP-induced delirium, angry at the world, too angry about their adult life to even think about reliving past glory. A perfect comparison is any washed-out ex-Hollywood child star who had too much success, drugs, women and money too soon and will end up offing themselves — or end up in Creedmoor intermittently until they meet their demise; never again reaching their former glory.
— Dallas Cowboys Fans: They’re that old guy who always kills you with stories — true stories, not made up myths — about “The Way it Was in My Day”, and is angry at younger kids who embarrass them every time there is competition and a chance to prove they’ve still got it. A perfect comparison is Al Bundy on “Married With Children”.
SIDE NOTE: Kudos to you if you know what this guy pictured is “infamous” for…
— Philadelphia Eagles Fans: Eagles fans are like the cats who think it’s cool to be stupid and uneducated, don’t try in school, fail classes because they think it’s cool to look like rebels, may even attract a few girls or have a small, but lame “crew”, but everyone laughs at them as they’ve gone on with their lives and achieved success while these Eagles fan types are still stuck in high school sophomoric hijinks such as bragging about winning food fights, but have nothing to say when the people they teased and threw food at are CEOs and running Fortune 500 companies, enjoying great success. They also fail miserably in history, which proves that winning wars is more impressive and remembered by everyone, while winning battles only matters to the guys who lost the wars; or failed to show up for them at all.
— New York Football Giants Fans: Giants fans — particularly those who have been fans for over 25-50 years — are like Chuck Norris or Gordie Howe; they had great early success when things were in their infancy, then went through a horrible stretch where they were teased relentlessly for being ugly ducklings (late 60s, the entire 1970s, mid 1990s), but you look up and they’re 35, chiseled, successful and are constant reminders of how someone can be ugly and objectionable in high school, but yourself looking foolish as they blossomed into more than you ever thought they would. And continue having success, while you continue to fail.