OMW Helps YOU Understand, Vol. I: The Difference Between Thick & FAT
Let’s just settle this right now. You know with our steroid and hormone-laden foods nowadays, everyone is bigger than the previous generations, so naturally, that spells a few more chicks professing that they’re “thick” when they’re really just plain old… FAT.
You Are Certifiably “Thick” If:
— Your boobs are above a C-cup, but still NOT sagging.
— You actually have an ass, and not wide hips from having 3-4 kids and sitting ON your ass, not working out and trying to pass off birthing hips and baby fat as “thickness.”
— You are not laden with cottage cheese all over your legs.
— Your arms don’t have flab hanging from your arms looking like melted silly putty dripping from a stick, blowing in the wind.
— You have thunder thighs (and are proud of it, as you should be) and they’re toned, not full of lumps and varicose veins/cottage cheese.
— You look like you could be fat, if you went on a weekend binge without working out; only to manage to go on a binge, and still not end up fat afterward.
You Are FAT If:
— Your ankles are just as wide as your thighs are (Elephant Leg excluded, not making fun of people with pituitary and thyroid issues).
— If you have D-cups or above and your stomach STILL protrudes out further than your breasts and you’re not pregnant.
— If your ass is on your back, but then flat from the waist downward — that “Tucked Under” ass that makes me cringe.
— If your shoulders are broader than Takeo Spikes’ and are top-heavy, but don’t have an ass.
— If you smell some pork-based meat after you’ve walked for 20 minutes in summer heat (Hint: Thunder Thighs don’t produce that bacon-smell, flabby thighs do).
— You have at least two necks and appear to be on the verge of developing a third within a few months.
— If you have hot dog packs on the back of your neck like Scottie Pippen when he made that terrible decision to go with the “1” cut at the barber’s back in the late 80s.
— Just because you have a fat ass, you’re not necessarily thick. If you have more rolls in your stomach that appear like that game that kids play, where they throw the donuts onto the stick? That’s not “thick”, baby. That dude just gassed you so that he can smash.
I don’t know why it is so difficult for people to understand the difference between “Thick” and “Fat”, but hopefully, this helps. There are even GRADES of thickness. There’s Lisa Raye thick, and then there’s Tahiry thick. Lisa Raye is the EPITOME of thick. Tahiry is PUSHING it; that typical “weekend binge away from being fat” thick. If you fall in between the two of them, with the aforementioned characteristics, you are in the category.
If I go to one more cheap diner and see some waitress passing off that “I sit on my ass all day when I’m at home, and I’ve had 4 kids” wide load, but doesn’t actually have any ass to speak of, just WIDE HIPS — and the ass has no curve…
YOU ARE FAT. STOP IT, MA.