Why So Many Men Don’t “Get It”
It is amazing to read peoples’ biographies and watch lives unfold before your eyes. As an avid, borderline rabid historian, I have been a voracious reader and studied history as a hobby in my teens. It is something that I do even today. My DVR is full of documentaries and historical accounts of peoples’ lives, as well as cautionary tales from those who have preceded us. Much of it is inspiring; the rest? A very good warning about what to do in certain situations and what to absolutely not do.
Outside of my father, there were not many respectable men around who stayed with the mother of their children — much less married them, and stayed with them — even until today. One thing I had (and still) always noticed is how so many men cheated on their wives with such nonchalance that it would make most Svengali types aghast.
The bottom line is, so many people — mostly men — get married, and have not the slightest idea of what marriage is about, beyond the pretexts and incidental correctness that may coincide with the factual basis of marriage.
I have heard people refer to marriage as a “contract”, or a “business partnership”. I’ve seen people marry solely because of the other person’s looks. I’ve seen people marry because they want to have guilt-free sex (almost always those overly-religious types). I’ve seen others do so while working an angle for personal gain. Others yet, who do so give off a certain appearance in circles where passing off the façade of a “typical husband, wife and family” is expected and promoted — while their home lives are in a bigger shambles than the UConn Men’s Basketball program.
Ultimately, there is a multitude of sacrifice involved. Indeed, the focus is to be on fulfilling and complementing the other person (and, when both enter into it with this mindset and reciprocate, it is an endless, revolving cycle), not selfish motive, or one or both involved working an angle. I won’t get into all the patriarchal nonsense that attempts to reinforce the flawed idea that women are only good for cooking, cleaning, sex and having/rearing children. That is utter bunk. There are lummoxes even to this day who treat their wives as such (and women who are equally as dumb for signing up for and aiding in the perpetration of this scene). Conversely, there are women who take it well too far in the other extreme direction; and, well, we have seen what disastrous results those have produced in the past generation and a half.
The bottom line is how so many men do not understand what a wife is designed to be for him (although it does not help that so many women fail to understand how much of a foundation, central component and power that they have been designated, that everyone loses). A single man can accomplish much. However, without the centering influence of a (wise) woman, he can become an untamed beast who can repeatedly fall victim to making impulsive, irrational decisions that are lacking in attention to detail and long-term ramifications. Some men can accomplish a great deal while unmarried, but can also talk themselves out of doing many things — particularly those that they are most “called” to do; namely in fulfilling their respective ultimate purposes in life — and end up making a ton of left turns in life. Not wrong turns, but left turns where he would have gone right with the proper balance that a (again, wise) wife brings.
With such a wife, a man can experience a higher level of achievement, a renewed energy and focus to do the things that he never had the temerity or sticktuitiveness, attention to detail and rational, long-term thinking unlike any other time in his life. Married life is not better than single life. It was never intended by God to be such. Instead, it is designed to serve as accountability, centering (for both parties) and balancing, and each is a sort of Nitrous Oxide to the other that they had not otherwise experienced in their unmarried lives. Nitrous Oxide necessary to push to a higher plateau of fulfilling purpose in life. This is not to suggest that it cannot be attained while unmarried, or even never marrying, but the bottom line reason for marrying?
So many men just don’t “GET IT”. For when you DO “get it”, and value what you have in her, you find it a lot easier to resist the temptation to knock down everything that blinks at you more than thrice.