The Comfort Zone
Everyone’s been hurt in relationships. If you live long enough, you will be also, Ms. Nuh-Uh-Nuh-Uhhhh-Not-Me!-I-Don’t-Take-Shit-Off-NO-MAN!
Either that, of you’ll become an Old Maid.
Some people believe in Fairy Tales. Others believe those Hollywood-concocted Chick Flicks are a microcosm of romance in real life. Others think they are supposed to be above ever being hurt. Others idealize “love” and think that it happens overnight.
Rome wasn’t built overnight, nor was your life before you met that person, nor will any relationship that you enter into. Accept it and adjust accordingly.
Too often, you see people — mostly women, but men do it also — who meet someone one day, and before the week is out, they’re already moved in, giving each other the keys to their (or their mother’s) apartment or house. They’re sharing toothbrushes, she’s wearing his old stretched-out college sweats. They’ve got pet names already. They’re stumbling to finish each other’s sentences and failing miserably, because it’s something that only comes with time.
THE COMFORT ZONE.
Everyone wants to be there. Why not? The aforementioned things, and many other pleasurable benefits — come as a result of landing there. But to think that this will occur within the first week or first TRIMESTER of your relationship is ludicrous and immature. Calling him “hubby”, taking on his last name when he hasn’t (and probably won’t) proposed to you? Come on. Calling her “wifey” when you have suckered her by selling her dreams that you will commit to her, because she got that “goosh”, B? STOP IT, 5.
Love, like everything else, takes time to build. You cannot get around that. Like infomercials, the few people you may see who succeed in meeting one another, dating for a few weeks, marry and stay together for perpetuity, RESULTS MAY VARY, AND RESULTS LIKE THESE ARE ATYPICAL.
Let it build. Besides, you’re more likely to find out what you can and cannot stand or deal with from that person in the first 90 days than you will in a week of mutual fronting.
I’ve been on Facebook since October 2004. I’ve seen so many people in and out of relationships in a month’s time than most subprime mortgages are sold and resold. Either you fall in love with the IDEA of being in love, or you are addicted to the “newness” (something that someone in their 30s should be ashamed of doing — as these are typically the people who swear off dating or marriage, and try to reduce the intrinsic nature of the institution of marriage to a “piece of paper”) or you’re just naive.
“I love you” shouldn’t be coming out of your mouth when you haven’t even seen that person react when they receive a bill that they can’t pay.
Much less what happens when the fronting stops and you have a serious disagreement. Wise up. I’ve seen far too much of this on and off Facebook since I joined. No surprise so many people, many of whom I’ve gotten to know in that period of time (either meeting in school, at work, casually and/or using Facebook to further get to know them) are making bitter declarations, tuning out and turning off suitable men and women because of their track record of pathetic choices.
We all do foolish things. Some stop sooner in life than others, but if you’re in an undesirable place in life and are jaded enough to think that ALL men or ALL women “cheat”, are unfaithful and that no one takes relationships or marriage seriously, or reduce the marriage institution to a “piece of paper”, do us all a favor, stop bellyaching, look back at the DECADE OR TWO of bad choices you’ve made and get back to us.
I am willing to wager every time I’ll ever make the rest of my life that you — yes, YOU — haven’t once done this honestly. Otherwise, sack up, stop whining, make changes and stop blowing off that one or two perfectly suitable candidates that you have in front of you — and BUILD with them. Otherwise, stay single and stop whining.