Life in Your Mid-30’s: The Ultimate Catch-22
If you’re wise, and maturing, once you enter your 30s, your perspective, outlook and approach to things should be different than they were in your 20s. Even if you were always even-keeled, the sheer nature of growth and change that comes with maturation should lead to a difference in approaches to situations in life.
With that in mind, being a man with no children (but wants marriage and a family) and entering his mid-30s is the ultimate Catch-22.
I had this conversation earlier today with a co-worker of mine. Actually, I had it with two of them on separate occasions — both today. Neither initiated by me. Both in their early 20s. One a guy, the other a chick. It’s interesting, because I see a lot of myself in the guy, as he is a lot like I was when I was his age (he’s 22). Hey, enjoy it. You have chicks giving away free cookies with no work — even giving you excellent bennies (car, paying for dates, etc. — MILK IT). Nowadays, I say, “Hey, I had my ‘fun’ in my 20s.” Hell, that stuff got old well before I was 30. I even eschewed my earlier-in-life declaration that I refused to date any women with children — by the time I was 26.
Therein lies my point.
Before 25, I swore off dating or even remotely considering a woman who had kids. And why would I, given that I was in the shoes of this kid who I was conversing with just 10, 11 years ago? That’s too much responsibility than I should have wanted or was even equipped to handle at that time. After wasting nine months on this slimy broad whose faux-Christian act was seen through by nearly everyone who knew her at UNCG, I stopped dealing with women who were 25 or younger (at the time, I was 27).
Today is a different story.
I ended up spending the next five years attracting all kinds of women between the ages of 25 and 45. The common denominator? THEY ALL HAD KIDS. Not that I mind this per sé, because as the younger set in my extremely huge extended family will tell you — all the kids just have a magnetic bond to me. And I love kids. However, it isn’t so much about the children themselves, but the men who helped CREATE THEM, and the drama that comes with them and the mother of the children. To many women’s credit, this isn’t even the case. However, there have been several instances where I explicitly left a chick because of the drama with her “baby fava”.
Now, most men who played the game, got schooled by OGs and just flat out know women KNOW that 99 out of 100 women — those who are 30 and older — are red flags in the eyes of men if they do not have children. Unless she is barren, the majority of those 99 are likely (not ALWAYS — so SAVE IT if it doesn’t apply) exorbitantly selfish, unable/unwilling to build a relationship without putting career first, or are just flat out crazy. Naturally, this doesn’t apply to ALL women, again, as I shouldn’t have to say — but for the great majority, it is indeed true.
Therein lies the Catch-22. If you are a man in my situation, you want marriage, you want your own family, you want a mature, responsible, balanced woman, yet most women under 30 AREN’T each of those things. Most women over 30 TEND to be; but the majority have children. Where is the tradeoff?
Personally, give me a woman who has the foundation and healthy intangibles — WITH children, than one who may be a few years younger without children, but aren’t willing or in position to build anything long-lasting with you.
I’m at the Crossroads like Bone, and it’s the 1st of Tha Month. Although I ain’t in it Foe Tha Luv of Munnay, I have indeed turned that corner in life and don’t want to look back. I’m looking for and am ready to build my legacy with a wife and children and if the right woman for me happens to have children, at this stage in the game, I’m perfectly fine with that.
I JUST WASN’T TEN YEARS AGO. And you know what? I shouldn’t have been.