Okay, so when I flippantly emoted that I would not do two specific things throughout 2011, I was serious. The first one was because I was adamant about landing a job and not needing a Whizzinator in order to ensure that I did just that. The other was for personal, reflective and growth purposes. That second thing?
People have issues. We all do. I have issues. I own them like Bruce Ratner and Larry Silverstein own real estate in New York. It is what it is. There are “issues” and there are “ISSUES”. People with “ISSUES” just need to stay to themselves and spend as many waking hours as possible looking in the proverbial mirror until they work those serious flaws out. “ISSUES” are those things that are absolutely detrimental to relationship development: degenerate gambling, sexual deviance/addiction, infidelity (and attitudes and tendencies that lend to that behaviour), compulsive lying, extreme selfishness and focus on personal gain, etc. Meanwhile, “issues” are the typical character flaws that everyone has; some of which will make us incompatible with several of the potential suitors/whatever-the-female-equivalent-of-“suitors” that may be available to those interested in this endeavor.
I fell back from the church. Willfully, although certainly prodded by many of the things I had seen over the past 25 years up close and personal in ministries; as I served in several of them, even as president of one the most unstable ministries out there: THE SINGLES MINISTRY (or, as is the case in many congregations, The Meat Market/Breeding Ground). It wasn’t pretty. And much of what I witnessed over that time nearly ruined any remaining desire that I had to ever “settle down” (I’ve never been wild, though, ha), and get married. Furthermore, it really made my perception of women — regardless of ethnicity, age, education, etc., quite jaded.
After a tumultuous 2010 and being cheated on in my last attempt to give the relationship idea a chance, those same sentiments arose once again. After a couple of weeks of sheer bewilderment, I realized what was going on when I had my back turned and accepted the fact that we were both in very trying situations — virtually killing any chance for a relationsihp to thrive if things did not change.
Things didn’t change.
A little comic relief:
And a little perspective/UNcomedy STRESS:
AND THEN THE TRUTH:
I swore off dating women with children, which is harsh. I’ll come off it if a woman arises and is who God leads me to pursue.
I swore off being blocked off from seriously considering non-Black/non-Puerto Rican women within this context.
I swore off COMPROMISING my faith in order to deal with some chick who only refers indirectly to her days of being “confirmed” (but don’t know/apply a lick of the Bible?)
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I did not date at ALL in 2011, and I refused to do so, because I am 1) comfortable in my own skin, 2) I am not “thirsty” nor lonely — nor have time to be lonely, 3) ABSOLUTELY NOT trying to go through any of the nonsense again, and end up in a dead end relationship.
Even now, as we have already hit the ground running in 2012, I am in no rush (I hate when people say “don’t rush”, while failing to realize I am 33, going on 33 [Mike Tyson reference], never been in love, never been in a rush to be in love and have been broken up with because I was taking too long to “fall in love and commit”, STOP IT — you sound foolish spewing that default comment at someone who is the antithesis of such). However, there is a higher plane and a more profound purpose in life. I definitely did ME in the latter half of 2010 and most of 2011, but it was an exercise in redundance and futility. The whole thing gets old, I don’t care what any wannabe Superfly has to say about it. It was old in my mid-20s. It’s even older now.
I’m a hellraiser, I want to be a father, a loving father, youamean? I wanna be a THEMI (semi) good husband, youamean? WHATTTTHHH.
(BTW, if the inside joke sounds a bit ludicrush, here is the reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIDjMCxNHSg — 00:10-00:18)
However now, I have reflected and seen how narrow-minded I’ve been over the year. Oh no, I still can’t stand you types who run around proclaiming how independent you are. I am going to make it a point of social construct to make being INDEPENDENT the equivalent of the Scarlet Letter. WATCH.Keep it up. Nevertheless, I never dated any White women. Smashed a few, but never even seriously considered dating any. I’ve grown tired of dealing with any woman who have a problem with what TRUE “submission” entails. And that doesn’t stop with Black women nor Latinas, so let’s not even begin to discuss that. I refuse to deal with a woman who is on that faux-Feminist tripe, because it is a complete utter waste of time and energy to deal with such an UNaccountable type of individual. Always passing the buck and blaming society for the way THEY conduct THEMSELVES in life.
GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT NONSENSE.
Don’t know if it is prudent to deal with a woman older than me, with my desire to have children and her dwindling years of healthy motherhood remaining. I REFUSE to even THINK about courting a non-Christian. I will not apologize about this. You’ll get over it if you’re offended. Trust me.
I’ve bent and broken on some of these stances before, but I refuse now. The women-with-children thing is still up in the air, but I find it curious that I have yet to date a woman who DIDN’T have kids since I crossed age 25. I would like to know what that experience is like: the one with a woman younger than 35 but older than 25, who doesn’t have children, who isn’t willing to balance her career and relationship, AS I, A MAN, AM EXPECTED TO DO, and isn’t all about status, money and prestige — and the dreaded “independence” nonsense; which is partially why I seem to exclusively attract women with kids.
Then you have the ones who don’t have a man, not dating, is cold, shut off, scared of any sign of rejection (so she never speaks, never makes herself approachable, thinks everything she does is going to make guys think she wants to be with them, etc. etc. etc.) and would otherwise possess these qualities that are desired — and you’d have a better chance of running up to Obama and tackling him while delivering the State of the Union Address without being “taken out”, than it is to penetrate those Women of Brewster Place walls that these types of women often erect.
In short, I am being careful this time — continuing to enlist trusted female friends and non-controlling relatives to be my eyes and ears (thanks Maggie, you were right about that one a few months back, believe it or not), while I declare that I am going to open MYSELF back up to receiving the future Mrs. Wright. Notice I did NOT say anything about “looking for love”, or “rushing into it” or anything of the sort. Leave the semantics at the door. This is grown man speak, and frankly, a lot of women need to LISTEN UP (Mike Francesa Voice), because too many of you are trying to tell a tried-and-tested early 30s grown man how MEN are supposed to conduct themselves, when you can’t even keep one past that two month period where he’s executed all of his sexual fantasies with you in bed and miraculously has that “old friend” of his pop back into his life when your snatch gets old and boring. YOU let ME tell YOU how a grown man is supposed to do this, arrite?
(Bob Knight Voice after cursing out the reporter 15 years ago):
Where were we?
All the things that I identified as walls and road blocks that I had built up have been torn down. I’ve done some serious soul searching and intensive mirror-gazing. It wasn’t pretty. I feel that too few people are willing to do this, because they know it means they will have to change their behaviours. (Derek Anderson Voice) “That’s fine, that’s fine, that’s fine, that’s fine, that’s fine!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iadXaHoppWw
I ain’t talking about no applications (give me a break and let me use uncouth Black English, please? Thanks), I ain’t talking about Speed Dating. I ain’t talking about online dating. I ain’t talking about a supposed friend trying to hook me up with a mud duck that she knows I don’t find attractive and have nothing in common with, and is always seemingly much less attractive than this supposed friend (something I notice a lot of chicks do to some of us guys LMAO), or anything of the sort. I’m open to however God orchestrates it, but I am certainly not on any prowl or search. However, a woman who is bold (tactful), confident (not arrogant), cocky (not bullheaded, but self-assured), doesn’t want to jump back and forth from 1950s values to 2010 “values” whenever it is convenient to her and has the trivial things in common with me — along with the things listed here: https://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150299685507881 — you’re talking about something good.
It doesn’t hurt if she’s either a Giants, Knicks or Yankees fan (although this is beyond trivial and obviously not that serious — although if she’s not a sports fan, I will eventually make her into one ha). This may all appear to be “asking for a lot”, but it really isn’t. Not when you’re not self-focused 24/7 and realize what your role is in a relationship (refer to the column linked above for more clarity). Last of all, if you are concerned with what people think and how you will have to deal with jealousy from other women, then save us both time and money; it comes with the territory. You are going to be envied, hated upon and besmirched: especially by those who had their chance and decided to play coy and scornfully mock from afar, when they realize what they’ve missed out on.
One thing I absolutely cannot stand is overt shyness. If you’re feeling me, let me know, without platitudes, covert actions and third-party messaging. I am not God and don’t read minds.
I’ve bared my soul and been completely honest about my journey throughout 2011, hopefully the people who asked me why I was intentionally not dating throughout last year will understand that it was for the long term good, and not in order to prove some weird point to people.
As for that first point, there may be a cessation of that hiatus on or around March 30 ha, but you ain’t hear that from me.