Men’s Thinking and Women: You Think You Know, But You Really Don’t Know…
One thing that makes me feel good about this current generation of women is their outward expression of their willingness to learn about the male psyche from men and not their scorned, bitter and warped-minded girlfriends, who are usually speaking from “less-than objective” perspectives. There was a petulance amongst most women for years to do what is perhaps logical in most anyone’s line of thinking: IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHY MEN DO THE THINGS THAT THEY DO, THEN ASK MEN, NOT WOMEN.
To many’s credit, this is taking place with great alacrity in this millennium. I am accosted and inquired of seemingly 2-3 times per week without fail as to what is my perspective on this, that and the third, from a man’s perspective. And what have you. And like people from the Politically Correct School of Lecturing and Public Training like to tell people who really DO ask dumb questions, but don’t want to make them feel ostracized for doing so — THERE ARE NO DUMB QUESTIONS, so ask away. We are only glad to inform and elucidate when it comes to why we think, speak and do what it is that *most of us do.
*SIDE NOTE: If you ask a man who is about as inarticulate as Porky Pig, LOOK OUT. And if you run into those who Go Valley on you by morphing into a simile (using “like” every three or four words to describe their state of being, you probably aren’t going to find what they have to say to be useful when relating to the majority of the rest of manhood.
And what have you.
For years, I listened to women rattle off to me all of these fallacious, unfounded, unsubstantiated and flat out erroneous suppositions from the rooftops — almost always centered around sexual issues, relationships and the importance of sports to men in general.
Christopher Columbus read maps more accurately than the assumptions that I heard over that time.
For those who still think that way, as pertains to drawing conclusions and parallels between men’s thoughts and actions and why they exist in the continuum as they do, listen up. While men are complex, we are rather simple and compartmentalized at the same time. Men from age 18 to 85 can mentor, coach and understand each other, despite differences in language, culture, geographical regions, mores, standards and obvious generation gaps. One can coach the other and one can inform the other about something (with a different name) that the older set did decades prior and they will be on the same page within minutes. However, for those who still insist that they know and continue to fail in understanding why we think, say and do what we do, I offer this:
JUST LISTEN, LIKE MUSIQ SOULCHILD: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHipzGL4dwM.
The thing is, boys have very basic functions: Food, Recreation, Sleep, Exploring Girls and ultimately becoming a creature of habit with each. While the “recreation” tab may vary, it is beyond uncanny how regimented and consistent these cycles become as a boy becomes a man. The only difference in manhood is the further emphasis on sex and how it usually finds a way to bleed over into other areas of a man’s life. In short, we are simple, yet complex creatures and our approaches to the very same things that women deal with are more bee-line and “logical minus high level of estrogen”, while we ultimately arrive at the same conclusion (most of the time).
A good illustration?
I take the A line to go into work. It is about as direct of a route as can possibly be taken in order for me to get to work. There are other route options for me, and they are certainly not WRONG per se, but most men are looking to find the best, most efficient, quick means of arriving at the prescribed destination rather than looking for a myriad of different available options that may also yield the same outcome (albeit more time, energy, resources, emotion and thought may factor into the equation, muddling the picture “unnecessarily”). This is how many (not all, as I avoid using such absolute superlatives) women tend to think. Neither is “wrong”, however, the mindset behind the approach towards something such as this route to go to work daily can cause consternation. Don’t believe it? I’ve seen arguments and factions occur over less.
There is hardly a day that goes by that a woman doesn’t ask me what I would do in a given situation. They truly want to know why men do what they do and have that understanding. I love this. We are heading in the right direction. God only knows we are bombarded with TV shows, magazine columns with less-than empirical evidence, self-help books, people like Oprah and scorned women like Terri MacMillan that fill women’s heads with everything but the truth about men, while making SURE men know why women think, say and do what it is that they do. We have no choice but to know and understand, or else there will be “mewtinayyyy” (mutiny). But when women begin to understand the true thought process of a man, we are making huge strides.
AND IT IS ABOUT TIME, WE’VE BEEN TOO DIVIDED FOR TOO LONG AND IT IS KILLING EVERYTHING FROM MARRIAGES, FAMILIES TO BASIC PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN.
The whole issue of “when do men and women mature?” is another topic that has more erroneous suppositions than the two-party political system of the United States. First of all, age and maturity are not mutually inclusive and the onset of maturity is obviously arbitrary and governed by a myriad of extraneous factors in an individual’s life — much less affixing a particular age with an entire gender. Even the interpretation of what is “maturity” is subjective, and usually (as we have been socialized) relative to things that go in tandem with matters such as the basic need for relationship and communication, which we are all designed for (but again, approach and arrive at DIFFERENTLY). Women are more natural relaters, therefore, social matters tend that require relationship (do not read: marriage, dating, etc.) in an ad-hoc/specific basis tend to be grasped easier by girls, young women and fully grown women. Boys, while having the tendency to run in packs during youth and adolescence, tend to become lone wolves (not all, but many) in their developmental years and early adulthood. Women are rarely lone wolves, and those who are tend to be considered as outliers to the norm, juxtaposed with their female counterparts. It is a complex matter to consider, but the very meaning of “mature” tends to lend to the erroneous assertion that “women mature more quickly than men”, when in reality, the things that compose this floating, yet esoteric list of attributes that defines a person as “mature” are directly linked to one’s ability to relate and their effectiveness in relationship (in all forms, not dating/marriage) and communication. Communication is different between men and women as it is; as men view communication is a “when-necessary” tool (generally), whereas women (generally) are virtually lost like Princeton grads missing their stop along the C line and ending up in Brownsville at 4 am — without communication. A man who does not effectively communicate (in the eyes/mind of women) is already getting demerits with regards to his maturity level — when we now know that this relative inability to communicate in a manner that is kosher in the eyes of women in general is so mutually exclusive that Marilyn Manson and Fred Hammond would look at each other and think that they are one and the same before you would be able to draw a direct connection between the ability to communicate and relate (suitably, in the minds of women) and maturity.
As we have been socialized in the Northern Hemisphere during Western Civilization, particularly in the United States, people usually endure a series of life trials, some heartache, some betrayal and various forms of broken trust — particularly involving the opposite sex. One of two things occurs at this point: bitterness and shutting down, which is subsequently taken out on the opposite sex for years (if not for life), or a swift change that begets a shift in mores, standards and actions on the part of the person being afflicted. This is a more general, but applicable standard for what is “maturity”. Therefore, it is still arbitrary, but not the “women mature 3-5 years faster than men” BS that has no scientific nor empirically-observed data to substantiate such assertions whatsoever. With all the factors (particularly in the U.S.) at play, most people in GENERAL begin to experience an “awakening” of sorts between ages 25-28, and there is a period of emotional and personal overall growth that takes place between that period and the early to mid 30s, when it all (generally, not ALWAYS, of course) “comes together” for most. There is a ton of de-programming that has to take place; particularly with the increasing focus on self and other destructive mindsets that mass media and our culture ascribes to. The more of these mindsets that must be overcome (and there are more now than even in my parents’ generation), the longer it will take for people to truly be mature (i.e. not always putting selfish, self-serving, self-focusing desires ahead of “something greater” in the lives of someone else — again, not exclusive to dating/marriage). That is why you see people in their late 20s/early 30s now acting like people entering their early 20s just 30-40 years ago, once did. It is amazing to witness, but the more “instant” we become, the more stunted the overall growth of a person becomes evident. There is a dichotomy to be true, but that’s a ton of Sociology and Psychology, so I’ll stop here.
Rather than going into the abyss and delving further on my own, I am leaving the column open-ended for feedback from my readers. Leave your thoughts and input regarding the subject at hand in the comment section below.
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