When the Biological Clock Becomes a Ticking Time Bomb: Over 35 and Dusty — The New Terrorists
I’m at an interesting crossroads in life. Not just regarding my own life, which is only a couple months short of being 33 years long, but also a confluence between generations and social conditioning in the lives of others.
What do I mean, you ask?
During my growth and development phase of the 1980s and 1990s, there were growing attitude changes and approaches to the “Family Unit“. The tail end of the years where the “Man/Husband was the breadwinner” and the “Woman/Wife was the primary caretaker for the family and children and may or may not work outside of the home”. All of this turned on its head almost virtually overnight. It should be noted that this is not necessarily a bad thing; intrinsically, it is actually beneficial to all parties involved — however, in practice, there have been a few unintended negative fallouts that are now entering their second full generation of existence.
HENCE THE TITLE OF THIS COLUMN ENTRY.
Everyone is choosing to marry (if at all) later than ever, and likewise, deciding to have children later — on a sliding scale with marriage. Of course this does not apply to hood rats and people who are determined to make life, which is already extremely stressful and difficult — even more of a daunting challenge, as they often lack the internal hope and positive outlook on life. In many cases, they will use the children they conceive solely for financial and taxation benefits. The funny thing is, the extremely poverty stricken and the extremely wealthy both do this, while what remains of the middle class stands to benefit the least from such actions. Interesting dichotomy for another column, for sure.
HACK SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS DELUDE AND DECEIVE MANY.
For years now, many women have been told “Hey, if I eat properly, work out regularly, don’t smoke, don’t drink excessively and get plenty of rest, my hormonal balance will remain on an even keel, so as long as I luck out genetically, I can have kids until I’m nearly 50!” Scientific findings over the past 15-20 years, especially with all the other seemingly miraculous and unforeseen advances in medical technology have been responsible for this line of thinking, and the age of latest bearing of children has begun to become debunked in the medical community. Some were ardently against the assertion that women over 40 should have children at all, because of the inherent risk of chromosomal defect and the increased risk for other birth defects that could last for a lifetime. This was the prevailing thought for years, and it frightened many women and couples looking to conceive; enough to use the age of “40” as an arbitrary line of demarcation.
Then you began to see rampant reports of women in Bolivia, Sri Lanka and third world countries having children at 56 and 63 or what have you, and many began to line up seeking the miracle drug(s) that would aid in accomplishing this feat. Yes, Sarah in the Bible did her thing, and, depending on where you stand biblically — God is all-capable, but He also gave doctors wisdom. And that wisdom has been passed along in the form of scientific studies and massive research and evidence that suggests that women should not roll the dice with not only the health of a potential offspring, but their own health as well.
TO EACH HIS OWN.
Ultimately, everyone has the right to conceive as long as they have the ability to do so. Any moral or ethical decisions resulting from unforeseen circumstances in a post-40 conception are strictly between that couple, God and the child(ren), down the line. It is not my place to judge nor dictate what someone should or should not do.
… and to take this into a comedic lane for a while…
It is hilarious to watch the aforementioned second generation of “Independent” and Career-First/Only women navigate the social landscape. Some of them I grew up with, and are exactly my age, some of them were a few years older than me as I was coming up. A few still — are a couple years younger than me and have already caught a whiff of the phenomena that is:
When the Biological Clock Becomes a Ticking Time Bomb: Over 35 and Dusty.
*To the sardonically-challegened, “dusty” refers to a woman’s reproductive eggs.
They move like terrorists nowadays. Many navigated their 20s with a breezy, flippant attitude toward not only balancing a relationship/marriage and career (which men who do indeed enter into relationships and marriage are expected to do), thinking that they could just magically wake up one day whenever the urge hit them, or whenever that biological clock became a reality and turned into the ticking time bomb like the one that you used to see on Thunder Cats. I have had the displeasure of being railroaded by a woman who was over 35 and had become what I call a NEW TERRORIST — overnight.
You may laugh, but that’s tough duty. Even the ones who have had children already have the same biological clock that causes them to wake up one day and say, “I won’t be able to lure men with my looks for much longer and I don’t want to end up like that Old Maid pictured on the card game, which I never thought could possibly happen to me!” However, when you know someone who comported their way one way in their 20s and then turn into a terrorist after they enter their 30s, you become flummoxed and stand back looking clueless like Tom Coughlin when the Giants screw up (which is routinely; sorry, I had to throw that in there).
Still don’t get the connection?
Like the guy who parked his SUV in Times Square at 45th & Broadway last summer (and I walked right past him before they accosted him and later saw it on the news — I was heading to the primary Starbuck’s that I go to, one avenue over from there at the time), they appear SEEMINGLY innocuous initially, but before you know it, you are standing next to someone who is ready and willing to blow up your whole spot and subsequently cause everyone else (men) to be terrified of anyone who looks just like them (sorry to my Arab friends, you know I am not with the labeling and singling out Arabs as “terrorists”).
So what happens? As I have exclaimed profusely lately, men gossip, spread rumors and yap about the scuttlebutt more than WOMEN nowadays. And I don’t mean this in a positive way. However, the point surrounding this fact is that it only takes one or two guys to run into a woman like this before you know the whole hood, Wall Street, and famous comedians are joking about it. They’re already doing it. What does that mean? SOMEBODY GOT CAUGHT IN THE GAFFLE WITH A “NEW” TERRORIST.
The funny thing to me is when I listened and watched some of my female associates when we were in our 20s swear up and down that they would never be this way, (or cougars, and they lied on both counts lmao), and I see the self-same ones right now proudly proclaim that they are “husband hunting” or “running out of time, halppppp!!!” It is unnerving, but this is where we are in society today (Mike Gundy voice). I am not advocating out of wedlock conception, desperate shotgun “weddings” and only getting with someone because you feel like you must be married to have children or only want to get married because your looks are beginning to fade like LeBron James‘ hairline.
The bottom line is simple: Don’t get so hung up on a career, and arrogantly saying that you refuse to “settle down” (i.e. balancing work and home like we men have to do) when you’re in your 20s, only to come to the realization that time flies in your 30s (because every waking hour is consumed), and you go from 27 to 37 seemingly overnight. Not only that, the ones who swore off ever having children suddenly have the urge when they hit 35. I’ve seen this type give guys who wanted relationships and (gulp) marriage (???) get the Heisman stiff arm from these chicks when they were in their 20s — several of whom went to school with me at some point, worked with me, or I know them personally — and the tables turned: only to have the guys who were there as ready suitors get snatched up by women who realized how few men like that exist (first of all), and appreciated them, but the Heisman Trophy Winners from their 20s are now going through every old phone they had, old letters, emails, Facebook inbox messages from 2004 to track down any guy who remotely expressed having children and/or getting married (you think I’m lying, but it has happened to me), suddenly wanting to do so.
I say it just like Big Pun said it, “Go THAT way”.
The same goes for women who may already have children, but hit that same age milestone and realize they can’t cut it solely with looks (with chicks in their 20s looking like fembots on college campuses nowadays), so they push feverishly to get married (while fronting as if they want to have more children, only to shut the factory down once they’ve landed the man — who often is unsuspecting, until READING THIS, that this tactic is highly prevalent; and wants his own children, since guys who want to have children (???) want to marry are the typical prey [or is it target, since we’re talking about terrorism?] for these brash new terrorists.
ALL I CAN SAY IS “LOOK OUT!” and “PROTECT YO SEEDS!” like RZA said in “Duck Seazon” off “Wu-Tang Forever”. Or else you will get caught in the gaffle, a nice jux and end up with that sourpuss mug like people who live on the Upper East Side with the upside down smiley face and smug eyes — all because you were warned and fell for all the OD sweet talk. Don’t get blown to smithereens. They don’t hold waterfront memorial ceremonies and exclude the very cops and firefighters who helped save others from the same peril (oh yes, I’m taking a swipe at the people who put that 9/11 memorial together, shamelessly preventing cops and firemen from attending). If you get got, it’s because you were in the proverbial line of fire and were forewarned.
YOU GON’ LEARN TODAY!!!
Oh yeah (as a test to see who actually reads what I write), IF IT DON’T APPLY, LET IT FLY. I don’t use absolute superlatives, so again, go THAT way with the “Not ALL of us do thaaaaaaaaatttt-uh!” bidness.