BS? Rhetoric? What Happened Now That You Got a Girl/Man?
*** – With a foreword here: http://www.divinecaroline.com/love-sex/five-reasons-you-should-never-ditch-girls-guy
Part of having a bevy of friends, two-thirds of them being female, is that you hear a lot of relationship talk nearly all day. From every corner. You name it, I’ve heard it from almost every angle. I’m no old sage, but I have always been a strict observationalist, attentive, listening, discerning and importantly, REMEMBERING what people say and do from one point in time to another.
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” — Mike Tyson.
That’s the way many people are when it comes to their single, unattached life and once they got a “boo” and/or are in a relationship a while later. Everyone speaks about what they will or won’t do upon entering into another relationship, until they get into it. Just like people who make suppositions about what they would do if they were in this type of fight, or in a catastrophe, or if they got run for their valuables, etc. etc. etc. The reality is, you never really know how you are going to react until you’re there.
Relationships are no different.
“Oh, I won’t change, I’m always going to be the same old me!”
“I ain’t NEVER playing myself like that, nah yo. Two weeks, already saying ‘I love you???’ and bending over backwards just to make someone happy? Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. NOT ME.”
Then you scream at them after not seeing them for a few months and they are singing a completely different song, because they “met someone”.
I saw this happen a LOT near the end of my time at UNCG. People were swearing off ever doing a myriad of things. So many of them ended up doing everything they said they would never do. So I call BS. And I will even call BS on myself at times. You do know that I do not write these pieces to be a social critic and point fingers at others. Oh sure, I observe the actions of others; but mostly to learn from them to prevent making mistakes, or to enhance the positives that I already have going in my own life. I’m guilty of some of the things I write from time to time, so no need for the pitchforks coming out and misquoting Matthew 7:1 because I hit a nerve, okay?
Seriously speaking, it’s really always telling about someone’s true heart’s intent and where their minds are when they receive that proverbial “punch in the mouth”. People who say they will never “fall” in love are head over heels in no time. Then you have those who try to make the whole experience out to be Cloud Nine 24/7 and think that they can stave off the inevitable disagreement, nasty argument/fight that always happens. What then? Relationships are not Shangri-La Dream Experiences. They are another extension of life.
People change completely, beyond what is commensurate with what comes with a relationship and/or a marriage and it’s troubling. I’LL LET MY READERS GIVE EXAMPLES OF THIS, IN THE INTEREST OF SPACE.
Another thing I have observed is how in a rush people Down South are to get cuffed at age 21, 22, etc. Why? I’ve seen guys who went to UNCG and other schools in North Carolina, who have Kyle Orton neck beards and have become old men (in that they rarely go out, don’t do anything even when they stay home and are boring fucks — pardon my language, but that’s the only way to put it — overall). Don’t you hate people like that? You haven’t lived life yet. Leave the sitting around in the house in the recliner with the house reeking of moth balls, a tinge of urine and that musty, Old Folks House smell to OLD FOLKS.
On the flip side, everyone is so territorial here in New York, even in this day where we’re all being displaced from what is Home Base for us all. I know TONS of people who, in the face of the housing situation here, could no longer afford to live in Harlem and moved to Washington Heights, Inwood or the Bronx. Or Brooklyn. Or anywhere outside of Manhattan.
People from Brooklyn moving to Staten Island or out on Long Island or even Jersey. Yet, people are territorial more than ever when it comes to dating. Why? It ain’t where you are from, where you were raised, or even where you lived the longest. It’s where you ARE. People saying “Well, I’m from Brooklyn, I ain’t dating someone from Harlem” and people from deep in Brooklyn saying the same about someone in Queens.
And poor ol’ Staten Island people, I hate it for you guys — nothing but crazy people out there, and no one in the other boroughs wants anything to do with you. SMH.
But the contrast has always been palpable here. Welcome to New York City young Ryan and Emma Jean. People don’t get married at 22 here unless they went to school with the person they’re marrying. And even then, that’s rare. If you know anyone under age 30 who’s actually happily married here, they didn’t get married here, or they were “high school and/or college sweethearts.” It’s too hard to meet anyone in this city, as we all know here. Throw in our 2-3 hour daily commuting times, 8-10 hour work days, and you’re relegated to Happy Hour, the bar scene, the workplace (MERCY DEAR GOD NO), trying to holla at someone while waiting on line for the bus or train (save that for the hustle guys who sound like James Brown trying to scream at four different chicks going in four different directions at 42nd St., landing none).
I digress. It’s just interesting to note how stark the differences are between the mentality of 20-somethings here and 20-somethings in the south and midwest.
I never thought I would be in my 30s and unmarried, because I knew the whole going from chick to chick business would get old by the time I was 25. I Ray Rice‘d a few chicks who were on that Married-At-19 Life Plan. I’m glad I did, because I would have been like a lot of guys; they hit 27, 28 and think “Shit man, I’ve ‘missed out’ on so much… she’s letting herself go. I’m gonna just say the hell with it and start bagging chicks on the side until she catches me”.
The thought doesn’t go that way, but the actions definitely do.
To people who are in a rush to get married (rushing is defined as PRE-25 YEARS OF AGE — anything after that, for the most part is suitable, and if you’re 30 and still Ray Ricing the idea of commitment, you have serious issues), GET A GRIP. I’ve seen too many guys get married young and end up cheating on their wives rampantly, only to leave her with trust issues for perpetuity. Just wait a while like Janet Jackson said.
… and avoid going too far in the other direction by only “settling down” out of boredom, and because the Single Life is too costly and risk-filled that you no longer see any other viable options BUT marriage; which you view as nothing but a dull, boring existence.
This may have appeared to be a rambling rant, but I know I’m “In the House”. Don’t pelt me with garbage or spit on me like Cam did that little girl in “Killa Season” the next time you see me and reading this hit a nerve. I’m not talking about any ONE person, because I have seen it quite a bit in the past five or six years — and ultimately, this was partly prompted by someone who asked me to write about it. Just so happens I can speak about it from observation.
If you want to be with someone, don’t front, it doesn’t make you “desperate” or “thirsty”, but don’t act like you are on some Que Será, Será wave about the whole idea and then the first person who pays you any mind you’re all over them like those coeds in the movie “The Help” or you’re all of a sudden a home body at age 23 and your boys never see you except when they happen to bump into you and your live-in girlfriend at the market buying rice cakes and hummus for your “dinner date”.