2011 NFL: What We Know After Week 6
You know, people write me off the record and say how they are “dying laughing” or “spat cola from my nose and mouth” or “backflipped off the couch” while reading some of my comments in these “What We Know” columns. Others have said I should write comedy for famous comedians. Hey, if it be so, then so be it ha.
Truth be told, I don’t even be trying to be funny, though. I just say what comes to mind, and thankfully, I’m blessed with the ability to accurately describe in vivid detail exactly what those thoughts are. I think because people can perfectly relate to the thought process, added with the revelation that someone finally verbally described something that they’ve probably thought of and never could put it into words is what causes that effect.
That said, you can ask the people who hang out with me. I say stuff with a deadpan or not even realizing the reaction that it will get, and they’re flopping around like Manu Ginobili or more NFL punters when someone grazes their leg on a punt block attempt while laughing. It sometimes takes me a few seconds to understand why they’re laughing, but hey, delivery is everything.
SO HAVING SAID ALL THAT, HERE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS WE KNOW AFTER WEEK 6 OF THE 2011 NFL SEASON:
— Don McNabb might be done. He’s only ever going to get a chance to play seat-warmer like the fat guy who’s usually on the A train in the morning on those cold days, and you take his seat, knowing he’s probably farted 13 times before he got up, but the seat is warm. Christian Ponder, YOU ARE ON THE CLOCK.
— Hue Jackson definitely graduated from the Bill Walton School of Excessive Hyperbole Usage with his declaration that his trade for Carson Palmer was a trade for the ages. And yes, he said this.
— Paging Chris Johnson, Paging Chris Johnson. They’re going to think “We” all just get the money and get lazy. NOT YOURS TRULY.
— Ray Rice needs to get more touches, but despite the fact that he hasn’t had his usual workload, the Ravens are winning games in convincing fashion.
— Rex Ryan finally got called out for his BS by Norval Turner, and I absolutely loved it.
— Where are the people who thought there would be some sort of malaise with the Packers?
— Cam Newton needs to stop turning the ball over so much. He’s a rookie, and yes, once he gets it, LOOK OUT. But each of their losses have been due to critical turnovers by Newton.
— Michael Turner reminds me of Marion Butts (FROM???)
— I love how the Eagles act like all is well when they barely squeaked by an awful team that just happens to miraculously have three wins thus far.
— The Buffalo Bills are for real. I’ve seen them intimately (as I am basically dissecting Xs and Os during AND after the games featuring the opponents that my guys play.
— OH THOSE TRICKY BENGALS! These are not your father’s Bengals.
— The Bears have three playmakers: one needs a real offensive coordinator so that he doesn’t have to run for his life 20 times a game, one is 80% of their offense and the team is too cheap to pay him as such and the other got pimp-slapped Ving Rhames style by a dusty old White guy. +5 if you can name each of these players in order.
BEARS FANS ARE NOT ALLOWED.
— The Patriots’ defense has actually showed up of late.
— If Plaxico Burress had never had legal troubles, do you think he would be pulling a Keyshawn right about now? He’s been rendered invisible in the Jets’ offense for reasons unknown.
— Fred Jackson managed to get an 80 yard TD run. Untouched. Although he looked as slow as most tight ends. I have no idea why no one in the Giants’ secondary could catch him.
— Don’t look now, but the Steelers are coming alive.
— … and the Texans are folding. ALREADY.
— Jahvid Best’s concussions are pretty unnerving. He suffers them like Fred Taylor used to suffer hamstring injuries.
— Colt McCoy will prove his worth in Week 6. JUST REMEMBER I SAID THIS.
— Tony Romo may have not had the chance to choke (Jason Garrett did it for him vs. NE), but he will have an All-World game in Week 7.
— It is really sad to see Don McNabb go out like this. One of my favorite guys. He’s gotten the shaft since the moment his name was announced at the 1999 NFL Draft.
— I think Jim Fassel has been giving inspirational speeches in Oaktown of late. “If anyone wants in, they can get in, anyone wants out can get out… but this team… IS GOIN’ TO THE PLAYOFFS… MKAY?” Hue Jackson talks the talk. Can his team walk the walk?
— The Bolts are due to go two months without a loss.
— What in God’s name are the Broncos doing to their roster, and WHY? Andrew Luck is not going there.
— And he’s not going Miami, either. What a shitstorm. MERCY.
— Bucs fans are less nervous about LeGarrette Blount’s absence after Earnest Graham reached back to his UF days for a 100 yard game vs. NO in Week 6.
— Giants’ RB Ahmad Bradshaw finally gets the number of carries he should, and despite few holes for most of the game, did a phenomenal job setting the tone in Week 6 vs. BUF.
— Not lost to my eyes all game was the YEOMAN’S work done by Right Guard Kevin Boothe in All-World Chris Snee’s absence in Week 6. I jumped up like Pat Flaherty seeing some of the holes he created. This coming after many Giants fans had their hearts in their throats with the thought of him being at RG against a pressure-based team like Buffalo.
— This guy George Wilson for Buffalo is one. tough. guy.
— Sam Bradford is on the weekly injury report more than Thomas Brady. Goodness that guy is tough.
— Bears’ Chris Harris completely forgot how to play the Safety position in Week 5, which was why he was benched in Week 6.
— The Texans are enjoying their acquisition of CB Johnathan Joseph, but they have some of the suckiest, overrated linebackers in the NFL. Yes, I’m talking about Dana Jacobsen’s twin, specifically.
— I can’t wait to see Prince Amukamara play. He’s going to continue cementing the resume of Jerry Reese. I PROMISE.
— Just as I promised VIC CRUZ would, when everyone shat on me for having so much hope in a guy who had only had one great preseason game against 2nd and 3rd stringers. I KNOW TALENT WHEN I SEE IT. I love that kid to death, no homo.
— Patrick Willis is the f’n man, B.
— Have Braylon Edwards and Michael Crabtree been on the same field together this season???
— I feel for Jason Campbell SMH.
— Whatever happened to Mike Jone(s)?
— Kevin Kolb, you need to show us something.
— Andre Johnson’s injury was more serious than originally thought.
— Shouldn’t the Lions just throw the ball up for grabs regardless if the opposition TRIPLE TEAMS Mega in the red zone? Aren’t you going to either get a ridiculous TD catch or a flag?
— Same with Brandon Pettigrew?
— To that end, what is with their playcalling vs. SF?
— Where has the Jets’ running game gone?
— And their offensive line?
— David Harris is the most underrated LB in the NFL. I don’t know how that is possible playing in New York (East Rutherford).
— Aaron Rodgers DEAR GOD.
— Adrian Peterson and Ahmad Bradshaw run like they are pissed at the world and I absolutely love watching both. Bradshaw looks like one of those pop up dolls when he bops from side to side while running with all his might. GOODNESS give the man the BALL!
— Is there any secondary player more overrated than Troy Polamalu?
— Joe McKnight, should he ever get in full NFL shape, will be a FORCE.
— Jacoby Ford, Denarius Moore. Do you know who they are?
— Brandon Marshall has absolutely lost it.
— Giants’ Defensive Coordinator Perry Fewell said that he envisions situations at times, with alignments featuring All-World Justin Tuck, Osi Umenyiora, Jason Pierre-Paul and Mathias Kiwanuka along the defensive line… AT THE SAME TIME.
LOOK OUT NFL QBs, DEAR GOD.
— The Packers do not appear to miss FS Nick Collins that much, but they sure wouldn’t mind having him right now.
— Adrian Peterson is the best overall running back I’ve ever seen with my LIVING eyes. Barry was a jukebox, Emmitt was sheer will and determination but no real moves or speed. I only saw Payton’s last three seasons, although I do remember the game where he was still running over Rams players in the NFC playoffs in 1985. Only Dickerson is really even close, and I always hated Faulk, so I can’t bring myself to put him there.
— Oh by the way, can you imagine what the Giants will look like when everyone who is not on IR is healthy in a couple of weeks?
— Law Timmons (FROM?!?!?!) has filled in admirably on the weak side in the Steelers’ 3-4 for James Harrison.
— I hate Deion Branch, but he’s a smart route runner. Funny how he suddenly seems to know how to play WR again since he’s back in Belich… Tom Brady’s offensive system.
— Are the Chiefs going to make a run? They have the players. Their first three games of the season were baffling, with or WITHOUT Charlie Weis.
— Darrelle Revis is the best CB in the NFL and it’s NOT close. Don’t try to argue it, because I will ignore you like the guy who tries to bum smokes from everyone in front of the MetroTech building every morning.
— Philip Rivers is due to have a few 400 yard games isn’t he?
— Arian Foster is SOFT.
— So is Felix Jones.
— Who’s the bigger choke artist in Texas? Tony Romo or Matt Schaub?
— John Beck? Is Mike Shanahan off his meds again? As awful as Grossman was Sunday, Beck won’t be any better. Doesn’t that show you how much of a FLUKE Week 1 was?
— Eli IS Elite. Hate him all you want, but “ya’are what ya’are”, as Bill Parcells famously said.