2011 NFL Week 5 Powre Rankings

2011 NFL Week 5 Powre Rankings

M.D. Wright



Ahhhhhh October. REAL FOOTBALL. No more excuses. Dream Team. All alone. BY THEMSELVES. In last place. BY THEMSELVES. Ain’t nobody write them. YOU EVER GO NIGHT NIGHT, N-GGA???


1. Green Bay Packers (4-0).

Made minced meat of the B-men, whose fans were bragging leading up to the game — FOR SOME REASON THAT NO ONE IS SURE OF BESIDES THEM.


2. Detroit Lions (4-0).



Although their fans probably have the shakes worse than Ali and Michael J. Fox combined with all these nailbiters thus far.


Welcome to Giants fandom, BTW.


3. New Orleans Saints (3-1).

Somehow, the Saints are bubbling under the surface. If that’s possible.


4. New York Football Giants (3-1).

The funny thing about the Giants is, 1/4 of their starters are on IR, they haven’t hit their stride on either side of the ball, and are winning games that they normally found ways to lose in the past 12-15 years (and finally getting the beneficial/proper call in an obscure situation, for once).


5. Baltimore Ravens (3-1).

These guys are a lot like the Giants right now. They’ve completely gotten away from their Week 1 offensive game plan, and they certainly aren’t the Ravens of 1999-2006, but at the same time, they have a VERY active front seven that masks some of the inadequacies of their secondary.


6. New England Patriots (3-1).

They dinked and dunked the Raiders all the way to a two touchdown win.


7. San Diego Chargers (3-1).


8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1).



Finally, Raheem Morris woke up and remembered what got them the majority of those wins last year. 


9. San Francisco 49ers (3-1).

(Chris Berman Voice) NINERS?!?!?!


10. Houston Texans (3-1).

They should have beaten the Steelers by three touchdowns. EASILY. I’m not even joking. And no, it’s not because Pittsburgh is “that good”. The Texans have a maddening habit of letting teams hang around when they should be mashing them. They run up, down, around and through the overrated Steeler defence and only scored 17 points. With or without Andre Johnson (which they could be for the duration of October, if his injury does not heal quickly), that’s got to be cause for concern. 


11. Tennessee Titans (3-1).

3-1? Seriously.


12. Washington Redskins (3-1).

Not impressive to only score 17 on a hapless Rams team, but a win is a win. Least impressive 3-1 team, easily.


13. Dallas Cowboys (2-2).

Tony Romo is going to cost them a playoff berth. I’m marking it right now. He’s going to throw a back-breaking INT as they battle the Falcons for the final playoff spot. Dallas will finish 8-8 or 9-7 as a result of it. Mark. My. Words.


14. Chicago Bears (2-2).

You know the most accurate description I can think of when it comes to watching the Bears play? Even their highlights? It’s like when I brush my teeth and scrape my tongue in the morning… only to accidentally gag myself pause… and then have that burning sensation on my stomach for about 56 seconds afterward. I dunno how anyone supports that train wreck. Somehow they’re 2-2 and score half their points on defense/special teams, I swear.


15. Buffalo Bills (3-1).

They’re not this bad, but they got exposed by a rookie on defense. That’s got to be troubling on many levels.


16. New York Jets (2-2).

That’s about the worst I’ve seen the Jets look since the back end of the 1996 season and I’m not joking. 


17. Cincinnati Bengals (2-2).



18. Cleveland Browns (2-2).

I won’t overreact too much to that loss.


19. Atlanta Falcons (2-2).

Second most putrid team in the NFL that actually has talent (second to the Bears, of course).


20. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3).

Still bearing the standard of mediocrity in the NFL until “JDR” gets fired and the team moves to Los Angeles — when Mike Smith’s Falcons will grab the reins until Art Blank snaps and fires him in 2013.


21. Carolina Panthers (1-3).

Newton is exceeding everyone’s expectations.


But they’re still 1-3 and losing close games.


22. Oakland Raiders (2-2).

Make one-dimensional teams play YOUR game, not the other way around.

Bill Belichick flat out, plainly outcoached Hue Jackson on Sunday.


23. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-2).

They would be 0-4 if they didn’t have two of the worst teams in the NFL on their schedule already (and barely eked past one of them minus the NFL’s best QB). 


24. Seattle Seahawks (1-3).

They tried hard.


25. Arizona Cardinals (1-3).

So did they.


26. Philadelphia Eagles (1-3).

Dream Team.


27. Indianapolis Colts (0-4).

Peyton Manning is the MVP of the NFL. 


28. Denver Broncos (1-3).

John Fox is better than this, regardless of Panthers and B-men fans think. 


29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-3).

I wish the Chiefs had lost that game so the real reason why Todd Haley was yelling at Matt Cassel, instead of both of them spinning it later. 


30. Miami Dolphins (0-4).

That team is an absolute disgrace from top to bottom. The owners are all clueless about football, the GM is a racist douche, the coach is still getting by on being a gimmicky Wildcat specialist. SMH. 


31. St. Louis Rams (0-4).

Spags, you can always come back to New York. 


32. Minnesota Vikings (0-4).

Despicable watching them waste Young All Day’s prime like this.



One thought on “2011 NFL Week 5 Powre Rankings

  1. Aspire 5920 Battery October 5, 2011 / 9:32 PM

    DAMN I done lied & said I wasn’t hanging out til I leave for my multi city vaca, but the lions r 4-0 playing n MNF so I GOTTA GET IT IN!!!


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