OMW‘s Guide for Women: How to Be a Successful Help Meet
We hear the turn “Help Meet” from time to time, particularly for the “church-ED” among us. The term is biblical in origin, referring to the God-ordained role that a wife is to have in the life of her husband. Help Meet does not suggest that she be a doormat, and a barefoot-in-the-kitchen slave. On the contrary, a healthy Help Meet is the rocket fuel for her husband, she helps him reach higher heights that he cannot reach on his own. For this purpose, God saw that it was not good that man be alone, and created woman — a suitable helper — to assist him in reaching his fullest potential and achieve his purpose in life.
This does not mean that a Help Meet is to sacrifice her life, her goals, ambitions nor does it suggest that she has no individual purpose apart from propelling her husband to his apex.
Rather, a Help Meet knows her purpose, understands her spiritual gifts, her wisdom is palpable and she is a walking bearer of good news, possessing abilities beyond styling her hair and grooming her nails, or spotting the latest purse. None of those things are inherently bad, but a woman whose understanding does not exceed these affairs is not suitable to be anyone’s Help Meet. A Help Meet also understands that “gender roles” do not demean her, nor does cultivating the innate gift of nurturing with which all women are created mean that she is a slave or a maid. For those who think of “submission” within a negative context and misconstrue the connotation therein, God sees it as noble and saw fit that NO CREATURE, no other living being, could possess the ability to be a Help Meet, a wife, or nurturing mother. Rather than view these roles as a form of subjugation, marginalization and a “patriarchal” society, realize that it is a noble office; exclusive to those equipped to fulfill the duties therein. Wives are to submit to their husbands and LIKEWISE, husbands are to submit to their wives.
B. Hamilton asserts (2011)“Could it be this simple, but such a great foundation, upon which to build on or the standard?”
THE FOLLOWING ARE SOME, NOT ALL (AND ARBITRARY, NOT TO BE CONSTRUED AS A TO-DO LIST) MEANS BY WHICH THE AFOREMENTIONED CAN BE CARRIED OUT IN PRAGMATIC FASHION:
* Pray for him daily.
* Random kisses and touches.
* Letting him relax when he gets home from work (After a long day, many a man’s temptation is toss him the baby and run out the door).
* Giving him time alone to relax or spend with the Lord (Of vital importance).
* Leave love notes and scriptures of encouragement.
* Packing his lunch/breakfast (Can potentially save money and encourage a healthy lifestyle)
* Keeping sex on the forefront of my mind rather than on the back burner, and being open to more creative ways in which to fulfill this gift.
* In conversation, maintain eye contact and provide physical touch to let him know you’re with him.
* Show interest in his ideas, ambitions and dreams and be an advocate for them.
* Be sincere, but stray away from negativity.
* Instead of dwelling on his shortcomings (for we all have them) focus on everything you absolutely love about him.
* Compliment him on his attire and grooming (Men are aware of their appearance, as well).
A GODLY WOMAN’S (WIFE’S) MINDSET TOWARD HER HUSBAND:
I was created to be Aaron’s help-meet, and God has given me the unique ability to do so. Next, I tried to think of my husband’s greatest needs: Respect and admiration. To be heard, known, and loved. To be wanted and pursued (guys need this too). To be enjoyed and desired. Sexual intimacy and connection. Rest and time alone with God. Help with things around the house while he works (meals, clean house, etc.). But the #1 thing my husband needs is the Lord. Part of my calling, as a daughter of God, is usher others into His presence and how much more should I do so with my husband!
A common misconception is that pursuit means chasing after someone as if the last bus for the night is pulling off from the depot. This is not true. Showing exclusive interest both in word and consistent action, making one’s emotions vulnerable to another and expressing sincere feelings are means of pursuing; not merely asking someone on dates and showering them with empty words that are only meant with sincerity within the context of fulfilling selfish wont. As such, “pursuing” is not limited to men pursuing women, it is just as important to women to pursue their man, both before they marry and even after they have wed. And daily. Far too often women will, in an attempt to push the subliminal feminist agenda, claim that “progressiveness” means that men’s chivalrous actions are but an exercise in rote, not to be taken seriously. Meanwhile, many (not all) women in today’s age seek to be “independent” (an oxymoron in and of itself, as we are all created for relationship and have a desire to love and be loved — even the grimiest thug and most attitudinal, combative, contentious wench). This may appear to be “progressive”, within the context of “dismantling the paternal/patriarchal nature of our society” — which, like it or not, i the way God ordained it for a reason, however, this mindset of “Independence” usurps the very purpose for which we were created. Men AND women alike.
In one breath, one wants to be “Independent” and “Progressive” and then in the next, wants to revert to what I call the Joan Cleaver Days, when men were exclusively expected to pursue women and women were never to ask men out on dates, nor show any active interest until after she has been betrothed to the man. Most who subscribe to this line of thinking do so solely to avoid the vulnerability that one must be open to in order to pursue and/or be pursued. Ultimately, it is a fail-safe option and a defense mechanism designed to avoid rejection and dispositive outcomes. Without a proper level of vulnerability, there is no chance of realizing the deepest and most profound expressions of love, and true pursuit cannot happen, by the pursuee nor pursuant.
I read an article recently in a local New York paper stating that 94% of New Yorkers desire a long-term, monogamous relationship. I am not sure how the statistic was compiled, but if God’s Word and plan are indeed true (and they are, and if you don’t agree nor like it, then too bad, as this is written from a Christian mindset to address people who are called in Christ), then 94% is more like it. There are a few people who have absolutely no desire to ever married and do not have a desire nor need for the intimate closeness that comes from a healthy matrimony. However, one must have a bevy of healthy friendships and other outlets with which to attain and disperse their innermost thoughts, feelings and actions of love. And this does not negate (solely and exclusively toward those of the Christian faith) the fact that sexual relations outside of marriage are a sin, as are homosexual acts of any sort. This is not up for debate, nor is there any intent to bash or besmirch anyone who is LGBT. The Word of God rests on its own infallible laurels.
However, and particularly in New York City, many people hide behind the aforementioned wall of invulnerability. Everyone hates rejection and many want to avoid it at all costs, even at the expense of missing out on the very thing that they profess to want. One cannot happen without the other. People here will cancel someone out because they live in an undesirable borough, one lives in Manhattan, the other lives in Queens; one lives in the Bronx, the other, on Staten Island, or you met through mutual friends, but you live in Westchester County and she lives out in Centereach on Long Island. These things happen. Add to the fact that so many people are concerned with what others think, desiring to avoid the appearance of being (allegedly) “thirsty” — a colloquial term that suffers from extreme overuse — and people have become more gun shy than the offensive coordinators for both New York football teams.
You can’t have one without the other. Remove the senseless bounds and keep discernment and wisdom at your side. However note: you cannot operate like a fried chicken shack in Harlem, and expect to be on the other end of a loving heart.
The person on the other end makes themselves vulnerable, but you operate behind a plexiglass container that will shield you from any bullets or knives that accompany the risk you take when you make yourself vulnerable to another. Be wise, be innocent, but most of all, treat others in the manner that you would like to be treated.