When’s The Right Time to Get Married?
When IS the right time to get married?
WHO EVEN KNOWS ANYMORE?
There was once a time where you pretty much understood that it was “the thing to do” right out of high school (most of our grandparents — for those who even went/finished). A little later, this became “right out of college” (for those who went). However, just as age is not on a sliding scale with maturity, the “perfect” time to marry is likewise arbitrary.
I’ve seen people be “engaged” for 3, 4, 5 years (which flummoxes me, but moving on…) some of them marry eventually, some break it off and never do. The ones who marry sometimes stay together, but more often than not, the longer the engagement (beyond 18-24 months), the likelihood that effects detrimental to the relationship have seeped in and caused irreparable harm — even unbeknownst to the parties involved — to the long-term viability of the relationship.
I have seen people elope and remain together. I have seen people elope and break up just as quickly as they got married.
I have seen people get married at the justice of the peace and remain married (happily, might I add) for 20, 30, even 50 years. I have seen people get married at the justice of the peace and fight like two pit bulls with female scent on each other — and inevitably break up.
I have seen people have the biggest, most lollapolooza type wedding and end up spending 10+ years fighting over money (usually the debt incurred by the wedding ceremony itself). I have seen lavish weddings be the forerunner to a lovely marriage.
I have known of quiet, small, private weddings, and the result of just a couple of months of “dating”. They have worked out in many cases that I am aware of. Some do not. There is no tell-tale way of justifying one over the other.
The bottom line is, there is no perfect time nor format for weddings. Timing is arbitrary, but there are key things that must enter the equation for any marriage to last, regardless of the format of the wedding ceremony:
1. Both must share commonalities that are connected to their core values (Religious faith, outlook on raising children, finances, etc.)
2. Entering into the relationship with the mind to make the life of your spouse better, rather than seeking what you can get out of them.
3. The proper level of Give-and-Take (Trust/Truth-telling, Transparency, Golden Rule, etc.)
There are other details, but I’ll leave that to you, my readers.
SIDE NOTE: This was just a passing thought in light of some recent events to which I have been made privy.