Show You How to Do This
Many people (well, women in my case, because outside of counseling a brother, I couldn’t care less to hear what a dude wants in a woman) come to me asking for advice about how to deal with men, poking and prodding me for insight because they can’t “seem to figure men out!” and what have you. I’m a Man’s Man, who better qualified to answer that, huh?
My thing is this, I listen to all the “Must Haves”, “Deal Breakers” and the other self-serving things on that ridiculous wish list that many of you have, but the question I always come back to after they’ve looked skyward, while holding their index finger on their lip and begin wandering in their fairy tale/dream-marriage scenario (like here at 1:50: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m60XKqEEnfg), I have to snatch them down out of the clouds and back into reality.
HOW DOES THAT MAKE HIM BETTER?
You know, since that is supposed to be everyone’s focus when entering into relationships. The reason so many relationships end on a sour note and many (not all) marriages fail is because people enter to them with selfish ambitions and never deviate from that mindset, and shift toward what they are really supposed to be there for. Iron can’t sharpen iron when it’s not working in conjunction with the other people of iron, challenging it to grow sharper.
People who enter into relationships and marriages with selfish plans are like two negative-ended magnets being forced together.
GO AHEAD AND PLAY IT OUT IN YOUR MIND WHILE YOU RE-LIVE 4TH GRADE SCIENCE CLASS.
It doesn’t work.
So when I hear all the:
“He has to be 6’5″.”
“He has to have more education than me.”
“He has to be a thug and a Bible scholar and a man of God in church 3 days a week.”
“He has to love my 2-3 kids, even though he has none, being a man of God means accepting me where I am, although I’ve never done that with a man a day in my life” (I may sound cynical with that one, and while no one says that verbatim, A GOOD NUMBER of women’s actions dictate this type of mindset).
And all the other selfish things we’ve all heard a million times that are vomit-inducing.
The apex (or nadir, depending upon your perspective) of this whole mindset was when Chilli (from TLC) had her little show on VH1. Take a look here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvqzxH4E3-g (at 00:54).
And while she may HALFWAY (gotta remember she is 40… FORTY with a child) be qualified to ask for some of that, and a great majority of women who don’t have her looks, wealth, status, etc. (nor most of the things they DEMAND from a man) are asking for MORE! Listen to the rest of what Uncle James said in that link, because it’s true.
My “list” is only:
“She must be saved/Christian”.
I let this slide while I was in my 20s, but non-negotiable from now on. It caused me a lot of unnecessary headache being rebellious to God. And this includes other “Christian” groups who do not believe in the Holy Spirit or the holiness of Christ, as the Bible elicits.
“She does NOT need to love sports, but she needs to let me enjoy it and not scoff at it or try to take me away from it, when I am an unapologetic sports dude and have been since I was 4 years of age.”
Listen, it is all good to know women who love sports, even those who know how to let a man be a man while loving sports independently herself. But if she doesn’t love sports, that’s fine. However, trying to distract me from them is not going to end well.
“We need to share the same values with regards to faith, raising children.”
Why are we having a family in the first place?
“She needs to know how to cook, be willing to, and understand that by doing so, it is a way for her to show that she LOVES me, not because it is her ‘job’ or that it is some ‘barefoot in the kitchen’ BS.”
I just explained why this is important with the last line.
“She needs to understand the concept of peace and why I gotta have it.”
One of the three main pillars of Man Law and what we need at home. No explanation necessary. Stop talking so friggin’ much about stuff we couldn’t care less about.
“She can NOT be inhibited in bed (within moral reason, naturally), because that is NOT going to work.”
If you are, and you KNOW you are, disqualify yourself now.
Side Note: Being close to the same age is of value more than ever once you’re in your 30s.
Men Value: Peace, Support, Being Appreciated, Healthy Sex Lives and Competition.
Think about all the ways those things manifest and figure out how your selfish plans fit into those. If they don’t, you have no reason to be talking about you want a man.
AND VICE VERSA FOR MEN (although we actually agree to these things by default “OR ELSE”), so it goes without saying.
What have you…