My People, My People
This my fertile time of the year (No Babymaker) when it comes to writing. Almost ANYTHING can spur a column from me. I could’ve dedicated 10,000 words to a lifelong nagging topic at 3:30 am this morning, but I decided against it. I went bananas on my status, however, because I am sick of the bull.
However, along the same lines of that “Call It Out 4Q” (Fourth Quarter, i.e. October-December, for the slow ones), I’m about to put some things on blast that peoples’ statuses have elicited from me of late.
What is the deal, though? Why are we label whores? Slaves to the Gucci, the Louis Vuitton, the Chanel, etc? I saw a recent discussion about those new Jordan stiletto boots for women that have been making the rounds on the internet of late. It still bugs me that people bend over backwards to buy all these White designers’ stuff in droves (nothing inherently wrong with buying it, BTW), but the minute a Black designer or a Hispanic designer puts out something of quality, it’s “oh, that’s some level below/hoodrat shit”.
Seriously? What does this look like to you?
I’m calling ANYONE to the task, women AND men — to take inventory of themselves the rest of this year and into next year. I know only 13 of you will, but there is far too much complaining about the opposite sex when it comes to displeasure resulting to broken relationships and the eternal misunderstanding and misapplication of one gender’s expectations and mindsets on the other. Can we knock it off with women applying what and how they think to men and (although men do it much less frequently) vice versa?
I hear a lot of nonsense being spewed in my direction and in the direction of guys like me. The same ol’, tired “there are no good men” bullshit.
Here is an excerpt of my part of the conversation in the aforementioned status:
— “You know — it’s as if I’m not allowed to have standards. I keep telling these broads who like to complain about there not being any “good men” that they’re mostly full of shit. They’re either scared of rejection or have some sort of unfounded fear that has them operating with walls up 24/7.
If I, being well-rounded, educated, good-looking, good physique, can talk about anything, cooks, cleans, is a man’s man and relational type for a woman to desire to be with — can only come across these types no matter where I live and where I roam, then it tells you they’re mostly full of shit when they say “I want a good man blah blah blah, Charlie Brown’s Teacher, blah blah blah”.
If the number of “them” were as plentiful as they claim, I always say — I should never leave home without 8-10 women ON AVERAGE coming at me and requiring me to beat them off with a stick.
There are too many inequities between what they are SAYING and what they are DOING.
Women hold ALL the power. When you stop accepting no-good douchebags who refuse to work, sit home and play PS3 all day, drive your car and gas up, eat your food while you’re working — and get with a guy with the qualities like I possess, then those no-good fools have to shape up. The fact that so many guys can get away with this is more reflective on WOMEN not MEN. PERIOD.
WHICH PART OF THIS IS NOT TRUE? I’M DYING TO KNOW.
Here’s another bit:
— “I’m getting sick and fucking tired of hearing this same tired, manipulative, guilt-tripping bullshit that I hear spewed from the mouths of these jezebels …on a daily basis. LITERALLY daily. Almost all bullshit that they concoct from their bitter hearts to assuage their feelings of inadequacy and personal insecurities that are WHOLLY AND MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE to anything I have said and done.
For instance, I hear all this bullshit from ugly broads (usually — but they don’t think they are ugly) claiming I’m colorstruck.
HOW IS THAT?
I’ve never even so much as kissed a white woman, much less fucked one. I thought that’s what they allege when they realize you ain’t all over them 24/7? That you must be “enamored” and “obsessed” with another culture (uh, Puerto Rican culture is part of who I am just like Black American culture is). Then when you tell them that, they make up some more bullshit because they don’t have you on that angle. Then they say you are hung up on “mixed” women. WTF??? All this shit is their way of avoiding doing the SIMPLEST of things — which would solve 90% of the messes we have today in these relationships: BLACK WOMEN look in the mirror and realize these FACTS being spoken are things that need to be addressed, rather than bucking back and rebutting everything with something completely made up or off-base and irrelevant. I’m sick and fucking tired of it all the time. I’ve sat back for 10+ years now and dealt with this shit and I’m telling you – not from an ego standpoint in the VERY LEAST, but as I said before, with all this whining going on, plus women claiming to have this “intuition”, discernment CLEARLY shows you that a guy like me is a different breed than the ones you constantly settle for and become embittered by. You WILLFULLY go after your cake and want to eat it also, then when the stomach-ache sets in, you want to blame everyone for your decision.
Well, those of us who don’t want to be 56 years old before you come to your senses are GOING to look elsewhere. Who in their right mind wouldn’t? How am I gonna be obsessed with something that is part of who I am? Naturally, if I’m not getting no love from that part of the “family”, I’m going to go to the other side, where I almost always get it. Different set of social, personal and gender values and yet, I understand them seamlessly of course. But there is something said for knowing how to let a man be a man without being a doormat. And some women understand that without thinking they need to be “independent” and others will spend their lives in oblivion about it.
I don’t like extremes. I don’t find rail-thin women attractive of ANY complexion. I don’t find fat women attractive of ANY complexion. I don’t like extremely light nor dark women. I am not victim to the socialization by color caste that we have in this country. Lighter women tend to age a little harder than medium/darker women. You can’t have it all. But yet and still, I cannot say it enough — it ain’t even about looks past a certain point. It is how you treat me as a MAN. That’s why I’ve dated ugly women in the past, and some were darker than me. It was how they allowed me to be a man.
I prefer brown/sandy brown complexion. But it is not as if I am “fixated” upon that to the point where I don’t find anyone else attracted. That’d be naivete. What I am looking for (marriage) goes well beyond the skin/phenotype level.
AND TO THE BULLSHITTERS WHO TRY TO COME WITH ANY AND EVERY CONSPIRACY THEORY/EXCUSE/BULLSHIT ASS LIE TO ASSUAGE –THEIR– (NOT MINE, AS THEY DON’T EXIST) INSECURITIES BY SAYING “You should be looking for someone who looks like your mother”, I call BULLSHIT as well. My mother was as light as you could be without being considered White for most of my childhood. That shit doesn’t fly with me. That isn’t even what I have ever looked for in a woman. That’s why I automatically shoot it down as some made-up bullshit to make these whining ass broads make themselves feel better for not addressing THEIR ISSUES that make them completely incompatible from a relationship standpoint, and want to transfer that shit off on me.
I’M NOT BUYING WHAT YOU’RE SELLING. I’m a complete, whole, self-actualized man who has LOOKED ALL THE UGLY SHIT THAT WAS IN MY MIRROR HEAD ON AND DEALT WITH IT. I’m not taking on someone else’s insecurities. So when I call all this shit out with this mini-novel, REALIZE who’s full of shit when you hear her and her “girls” bitching at “Girls’ Night Out” when they’re making a sport out of turning every guy away at the bar unless they realize he’s famous or rich or looks like some movie star.”
If you can get past my foul language — it was late night (3:30 AM EDT) and I was half in the bag — then again, tell me where this runs afoul of the truth?
And yet there’s more:
— “You know something else? I wrote YEARS ago in a column of mine that I hear people always going on and on about their (selfish) “standards”. Standards are not the same as VALUES.
Standards are largely built upon superficial, tangible, fleeting… things that are CERTAIN to change with growth in any individual person. Standards CANNOT be what they are when you’re 35 what they were when you were 21. If so, you are a social retard. You haven’t grown.
When I was 20, 21, I liked women who were 5’2″, 100 lbs, wore size 0 or 2. Now, it REPULSES me. It was a standard before. I like THICK, toned or athletic women now. Do you see how my hanging onto a STANDARD would have me looking like a fool today?
VALUES should be the last thing (if ever) that should change when you’re prospecting, but far too often, peoples’ values are the FIRST thing to be compromised when they are in a situation (especially when the person across the table does not share ANY of the fundamental 4 or 5 values that a healthy relationship must be founded upon). Selfish-standards are the things that are last to go.
And there you have the reason why we have so many busted relationships and jokes of “relationships”.
I’m almost GLAD I didn’t get married any earlier, because while I’ve known this for years (and been guilty of letting my values go before standards did, in the past — never again though), I have more of a no-nonsense/don’t have time to waste/I’m on borrowed time mindset, rather than the “I’ll live forever, or age 65 is so far away, I can do whatever I want” mentality that most people under 25 who have yet to face up to the fact they are not invincible — don’t realize.
Does that mean I don’t to find her physically attractive? No. But the Bible clearly says that (external) beauty is fleeting. And as if we don’t have centuries to prove that? But I know if I find her attractive at 25, 30 with reason, she will continue to be when we’re 95, 100.”
No offense to anyone who doesn’t fit into what I like. It’s not personal. If you take it personal, then go play in traffic or delete me. I’m not out to please everyone. Only idiots and LeBron James try to do so.
Another common scenario that so many guys (Black guys, in particular) can relate to:
— “And you know what ultimately got me tight about this tonight? This broad who berated me repeatedly for a GOOD minute — texting me (before I changed my number a 2nd time last year), then emailing me with all this stalker shit.
This broad — she was engaged at the time and was throwing herself at me years ago. I’m no homewrecker and I ain’t gonna even have that on my conscience, because God KNOWS if you catch me on the wrong day and I catch you cheating, I’m killing you BOTH. So I didn’t go there.
Years later, after she has THREE CHILDREN and has her fucking tubes tied, this chick is divorced (big surprise) and comes at me the same way she had 7, 8 years prior. Of course being completely detached and seeing no reason not to, I beat it up for a few weeks.
She comes on some “I love you” shit and I backed quickly like it was some bummy weed. She kept saying it as time wore on — I never ONCE said it, nor led her to believe it was anything like that. As they say in those Hollywood movies, “YOU KNEW WHAT THIS WAS”.
She then went on a rampage; especially when I moved back to New York.
Do you really think a 30 year old man, with NO children and wants his own, educated and all that I have going on for myself is going to go and get with someone who is 32, three kids, TUBES TIED and a shell of her former self physically? Yeah, if you offerin’ the ass, I’ll take it (unless you burnin’ or got HIV) but beyond that, KNOCK IT OFF.
I don’t mind a woman with kids. I’ve dated a few. FELL for the last one I was dating. She didn’t want it, it wasn’t me. But for a woman who has had her tubes tied to pull that shit was too much for me. Had I not been in NY, I probably would’ve flipped on her ass for the reckless shit she was saying and doing. I didn’t avoid knocking a woman up for 31 years to get with someone who is not only used up and abused, but can’t have anymore children. WTF???”
Hey, I was no perfect angel when I was younger, but I wasn’t grimy, either. Any living, breathing, heterosexual man in his early-mid 20s would do the same:
“I did it because she threw herself at me when she was engaged, but I passed. Then she came back into the picture years later after she got divorced and threw herself at me again. I didn’t lead her on. I gave her wh…at she wanted and she started catching feelings and getting all attached. I never ONCE said anything that remotely said “I love you”. She took it that way because that’s what she wanted (especially when her perfect picture of Mr. Prince Charming was shattered). He beat her and she finally divorced and left him.
Oh but NOW (when she was walking around with her ass up in the air when they were engaged) she wants to come back to the guy who had values (enough to not mess up someone’s soon-to-be marriage) and is universally known is a stand-up good guy? ONLY after you’re battered, emotionally bruised, look like SHELL of your former self, pushed out 3 kids and can’t have anymore?
That’s the fucking problem. I gotta deal with not only someone’s leftovers, but someone’s SLOPPY, emotionally destroyed, physically damaged — leftovers. If I can’t have you when you’re packaged and ready to go, then you don’t deserve me when you’re all worn out and damaged — when I’ve kept myself and not been a playboy and promiscuous/knocking up 6 women with 10 kids and shit.
She got the D, was even surprised (for whatever reason) and got hooked. Sorry, that’s the chance you take. But you have GOT to be out of your mind if you thought I was wifin’ you up with that kind of resume. I basically told her that in so many words. Had to block her from FB, change my number, etc. so she would leave me alone. She got what she wanted, bit off more than she could chew. I did nothing wrong. She threw herself at me, got more than she expected and wanted to be wifed up. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT.”
Y’ALL PUSHED ME THERE, AND I WENT THERE. (Mike Tyson Press Conference Voice) “WHAT?!?!”
On the Public Service Announcement tip:
One of my boys drives a cab here in the city. I’m passing along a message that still doesn’t seem to be clear around here. If you live in outpost Brooklyn, far out Crown Heights, Brownsville, parts of Bedford-Stuyvesant, East New York, DEAR GOD ANYPLACE IN QUEENS, Harlem, Washington Heights and the Bronx — and you are my people (Black, Latino), PLEASE LEARN HOW TO TIP.
These guys miss out on mad much money driving you selfish bastards 15 miles away from their money spots. What? You’re gonna blow that $3-$4 on a couple of bogeys or steak and cheese from Hajji or something anyway. Tip ’em! They aren’t making any money driving around 154th and Amsterdam at 1:00 AM. Who’s going downtown at that hour unless we’re talking on the oral tip ha?
Look, we have our liveries, gypsies and side hustle hacks with unmarked minivans who can take us anyplace Uptown, so we’re used to not tipping them. They’re working for extra cash and keeping their gas tanks filled.
NYC TLC hacks have to pay garage fees and MTA fees as well. Consider that. Standard tipping is anywhere from 15% (average) to 25% (very good). Anything beyond that and you’re either extremely benevolent or have worked in a tip-heavy environment. Good for you. I was taught from an early age to at LEAST tip 15% wherever I went, even before I ever worked in an environment that involved commission or tips.
WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THEM APPLES???