Man Code? What Of This…?
You’d think this would be a self-explanatory issue. Clearly, if I have to write about it, it’s not ha. Some guys think that “turning 18” makes them a man. Or having a child (out of wedlock, no less). What on earth. I also find myself amused at these artsy eunuchs who have no inclination to sports whatsoever and try to refer to those of us who are immersed in them as “neanderthal jocks”.
The Man Code is upheld by a Man’s Man.
The Man Code is VIOLATED by limpwrist fanboys who loathe sports and other outlets for male aggression.
1. Put your “man purse” away please. What man would be caught dead carrying that? I know guys who don’t even carry their wives’ or girlfriends’ purses when they have to run to the restroom in public. Much less be seen carrying one. Knock it off.
2. CAN WE DEAD THE TIGHT PANTS ALREADY? Fitted jeans are fine. Mature men wear those, as wearing Size 44 pants on a 34 inch waist looks foolish on any guy over 25 (and really anyone, PERIOD, but the neophytes somewhat get a pass in my book). If your pants look like spandex that make sk8ter boys look at you with an eyebrow raised, you know you’re OD.
3. If you don’t like sports. GO “SADDOWN”. What on earth? Please tell me if you don’t watch or play sports that you have some sort of aggressive energy outlet. Otherwise, you’re a eunuch or a limpwrist. Period.
4. Don’t gossip. PERIOD. If you are known for all the scuttlebutt about who is screwin’ who, what is the lady who sits in her 2nd floor window overlooking the stoop good for?
5. If you are messing with someone’s wife (I am not condemning nor condoning), don’t go broadcasting it to the world and cause drama. Who does that?
6. A real man owns up to his responsibilities — not ducking them and passing the buck at every turn.
7. A grown man knows not to fall in love with a whore (if you are dumb enough to even deal with them).
8. There is nothing wrong with porkin’ a big girl, almost every guy has at some point. But if you make a living doing it, I’m going to give you the Derrick Brooks eyebrow.
9. If your girl can out-drink you, you aren’t a man. PERIOD.
10. Why are you ordering fruity beverages? Mint juleps? Cosmos? Daquiris?
11. Getting a perm violates no code. But if you obsess over your hair more than most women and spend an hour a day with it, you’re wylin’.
12. If a dude has a better car than you, accept it. Don’t be jealous and egg his car like a little kid. No hating on other dudes anyway. WURR DEY DO DET ET???
13. Never, EVER bum off your pro athlete buddy or industry friend at the label as your sole means of income (and yes, I know a handful of cats who do this who shall remain unnamed).
14. A real man has no fear of being emasculated by women, nor being heckled by men for marrying. As a matter of fact, a real man does what others WON’T do — knowing he will be criticized positively and negatively for it, but doing it because of his personal convictions. In short, GROW A SET.
15. LAST BUT NOT LEAST — a man does what he SAYS he will do. Plain and simple.
CHECK YOURSELVES ACCORDINGLY.