Topic Of Conversation
Let me get off real quick no homo. I’ve been having tons of discussions of late — especially the past six months (more or less LISTENING to people vent, watching situations go down, rather than my talking — because I’m actually very much tired of beating the proverbial dead horse — which is what it is in my opinion). Given that I am really sick of the discussion, I’m just going to put it all out there — where I stand on the whole Male vs. Female dynamic in relationships and break it all down to you. This way, I don’t have to constantly respond to 71 notifications left on someone’s status about this, that or the third.
And the topic is this saying “Nice Guys Finish Last”.
I hate that line. It’s stupid. People can argue its validity all day, but then again, it comes down to being a values judgment and very much subjective.
Example: DEFINE “NICE”.
Everyone’s meaning will differ. Some will say being nice (for all intents and purposes) amounts to being a pushover, a doormat and fearful, which is the reason for the “nicety”, rather than being courteous, pleasant and kind-hearted CONSCIOUSLY although maintaining the ability and willingness to express the converse if required. Some people are nice because they are scared to confront others and don’t want to be contentious. Others are nice because they want to be treated the same way, even though they can get in your ass if they needed to/felt like it.
But do “Nice Guys” really finish last? Do they even finish at ALL in 2010? You tell me.
My stance on it is thus:
There are (in terms of character makeup, persona, etc.) three types of women and two types of men when it comes to relationships and dealing with one another.
1. Strong-willed, take no nonsense off anyone, but can still be loving and are cherished by those closest to her.
EXAMPLE: These are usually women from a generation or two ago, and before. RARELY will you find this nowadays in a woman 35 and younger.
2. Passive, timid, painfully shy, acting as a doormat and reluctant to confront those who do wrong unto them.
EXAMPLE: A good number of women nowadays, especially those so desperate for attention and “love” that they settle and end up with someone who neither appreciates nor respects them.
3. Bull-headed, smart, financially settled and doing her own thing, but struggles in the relationship department — claiming they want a lasting relationship, but lacking the knowledge and wisdom to begin such an endeavor.
EXAMPLE: A burgeoning group of women — mostly of this current generation (AND GOD HELP US, the one coming along behind this one). Everything is about status, gender debates and “equality” (i.e. punish innocent men for the societal ills of thousands of years, just so that they can have their way in every situation, as they see fit).
For sure, this isn’t fool proof, but that covers 97.6% of all women. I do not have empirical evidence to support that percentage, but my gut says so and that’s that. The few who don’t fit any of those three fields are happily married or happily single.
EXAMPLE: Most men nowadays, because society makes women feel like they have to be objects in order to attain the attention that most women starve for to begin with, thereby cheapening themselves and lessening their respective self-worths — and, as a by-product, more and more men feel less of a desire nor a need to commit to any type of relationship whatsoever, when everything they can get from such a relationship is readily available from a good number of women at any given time via phone call, text, FACEBOOK or what have you.
2. Men of standards.
EXAMPLE: A dying breed, the “punished” type that I spoke about in Bullet Point #3 in the WOMEN section, some are like #2 in the WOMEN section, passive, timid, etc., lack any assertion skills whatsoever when it comes to dealing with women, but a good number were raised to respect women, without being pussy-whipped and hen-picked, being gentlemen, without being pushovers and sherms. Quite often, men who are labeled as “nice guys” (a euphemism for being soft, a pushover, etc.) are capable of handling their business (and actually put in WORK/HAVE BODIES, whereas the biggest talkers/”bad boys” don’t exactly live up to the hype they give off) and are anything but. In a way, these men are a lot like the WOMEN #1 group. They are rare and a dying breed, because society is making it so.
Men are complicated and simple at the same time. With us, you either have standards (whether they be moral or faith-based) or you’re just a douche/asshole/complete dog. There’s really no in-between. Some may try to play both sides of the fence, but they fail epically and everyone gives them the vaunted Price Is Right Fail Horn as a result. Men AND women spot those types from a mile away and neither gives such a man any respect.
NOW — how this all shakes out:
WOMAN #1 runs into MAN #1
She’s not going for his bull and lets him know off the top how it’s going to be. He has two options if she doesn’t cut his ass off already: a) fake like he’s going to abide by it and inevitably get exposed or b) shape up. Since he’s what he is to the core, he’s more than likely going to do the former rather than the latter. WOMEN CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. Let’s make this clear. I will not argue this. It will never be done. You can INFLUENCE him to change, but until he is sternly desirous of doing so, he WILL NOT. You can even be the IMPETUS for change, but you cannot make him change. I feel very strongly about this. I bring it up, because so many women want a fixer-upper man without readily admitting it (for fear of how they will be judged by family members and peers — imagine if your friend, daughter or what have you comes home and says instead of “I want a good man, a man who I can trust, will be faithful and will work with me like a team in a relationship, etc. etc. etc.” — “Nah, I want this bum ass n—a over here who ain’t really about nothing… no job, no desire to get one, no education, hates the idea of going to college or DEAR GOD FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL/GED even… drives my car everywhere, eats up my food, cheats on me — all so I can fix him up and make him into that good man eventually — you know, because my female nurturing instincts are just that wavy”. You’d look her in the face and probably deck her if you’re her mother. But even though many women won’t openly say that, their ACTIONS DO.
WOMAN #1 runs into MAN #2
Now, depending on whether he’s a shemp or a gentleman, the way this can pan out varies greatly. She’d walk all over the shemp and claim he’s “too nice”. This does happen. It was more common in a time when men ruled the workplace and the home was where the woman had the say about how the children are to be raised, who does what, who spends this, that and the third. It has obviously changed nowadays, but rarely do you see such a woman happy with such a passive, unmotivated man.
However, the “man of standard and WOMAN #1 can work, because they both have the same foundational standards and are most likely looking for many of the same things. The wrench that gets thrown into play is BAGGAGE. One or both of them could have been hurt in previous relationships and as a result, WALLS are built. Not sheet rock walls that can be easily torn down, but those WOMEN OF BREWSTER PLACE type walls, where you have to chisel DAILY, bit by bit, tiring yourself out, wearing your nerves thin, always dealing with their insecurities, misconstruing of the slightest thing that you say that reminds them of a past failed relationship and persevere through some real bullshit just to get to the core of the person who was ruined by someone who didn’t appreciate them to begin with. THIS, is very common.
And many times, from all of the talks I’ve had with women who fit this billing and men (myself included) who fit this billing, it seems like both the women and the men in WOMAN #1/MAN #2 situations have been in hurtful relationships in the past that have caused long-term damage and they’ve built up walls as a result. Unfortunate, but that’s life in an imperfect world with imperfect (read: sinful) human beings.
This is where my argument comes in, and the question about “Nice Guys” even existing to begin with. If you’re a gentleman (the non-pushover/backbone-having type), you are going to run into a woman who perceives that as weakness and will take advantage of it — and if you say you haven’t been taken advantage of you’re either 1) LYING THROUGH YOUR OFF-WHITE/STUCCO COLORED TEETH or 2) built up walls to make sure she, nor any other woman can ever hurt you unless you hurt them first. It’s just a matter of WHEN it happens in your life. Better to happen earlier than later, although in certain scenarios, that can lead MAN #2 to become like MAN #1, which is also VERY COMMON. Women feel increasingly free to conduct themselves (within the context of relationships with men) the way men have historically done. Hey, I’m no hater, that’s the game. Just don’t come around these parts with that shit because I’m done playing and on the right day you might rue the day you met me if you try to play me ha. But what happens is that they are cheating on the guy who, despite all the women who throw themselves at him, forsakes all of that and commits to ONE WOMAN. A difficult task to say the least. And sure, it is just as easy for women to be the same way, but a man committing to a woman is HARDER than for a woman to commit to a man, because 1) women are more emotionally-driven than men are — if you don’t agree with this, go play in peak hour Belt Parkway traffic and 2) as a by-product, men are more visual and physically-driven, and with the aforementioned socialization that has taken place between men and women and how mass media has furthered this dynamic, it is even MORE difficult for a man to commit.
All this leads me to one salient point. WOMEN: if you have a man who is willing to do those things, CLING to him and don’t go around acting like a dumb slag, taking him for granted. I see it all the time. Had it happen to me on a few occasions, and I will say that is the best way to turn a man into a complete asshole and an out and out dog. For one, he’s going to immediately regret turning down all the neck he was offered, all the chances he had to beat so and so and so and so’s homegirl and so forth. He’s going to be angry that he spent all that time in a futile exercise, and he’s going to jump the fence. Some never make it back across that fence. But if women ever want to wonder why men become dogs, that’s why.
I will readily admit even after saying all these things that women are only as good or evil as the men around them are. Where the men go (even feminists have to accept this, and there isn’t a ACLU or liberal social group out there that can undo this fact), the women follow. If men are largely moral, faithful and upstanding, so are the women. If men are vile, lustful, lascivious and untrustworthy, women will largely become the same way (or begin “experimenting” with other women, which is quite common in 2010 and is another topic for another day completely).
WOMAN #3 runs into MAN #2
… and it’s a train wreck for the most part. Unless he’s a pushover, ugly, out of shape, low self-esteem and largely unmotivated (the type of man WOMAN #3 claims to hate dealing with — but the only one with which she can actually conduct herself in the manner of the label affixed to her), this has no way of working out.
Why, you ask?
Such a woman infringes on general principles that a “Man of Standard” lives by. I can hear the chirping and heckles from skeptical and cynical women, but truthfully, more of these men exist than you realize — and THAT is another topic for another day altogether — just accept it as fact and learn to recognize them apart from “all the others”, because there are telling signs and most of you miss them when they’re staring you right in the face.
At any rate, all the bragging about income, job status, zip code, etc. and bringing home such a combative attitude into a relationship does not sit well with MAN #2. They will constantly butt heads, whether she has more material wealth or education than he does or not. They are effectively competing against one another when they should be competing against the world TOGETHER. I’ve been in this situation also. Some people know how that ended, but I dare someone to not find 10 instances just like it and damn if it didn’t shake out the same way as it did with me. I don’t want to give details for privacy/good form reasons, but those who know, know.
The saying, “there’s someone for everyone” isn’t really true, either, while we’re at it. Not everyone wants to even be in a relationship, first of all. Then we have to discuss the discrepancies between the number of available women vs. the number of available men and all of the subgroups that have developed amongst THOSE. It’s a long, winding maze and all ends at the same supposition — THE SAYING IS NOT TRUE.
But looking over these character types, it is a bit easier to see how and why these gender battles continue to take place and with more frequency now than ever.
Ideally, WOMAN #1 and (healthy with a spine) MAN #2 run into one another.
But then again, given how rare they are respectively, how often does THAT happen?
All the more reason to realize who you’re dealing with early on and either cut your losses or CLING to them if everything else that matters to you both is agreeable. It is amazing how many people throw away relationships over trivial, materialistic, superficial and downright stupid things.
If you’re a good woman and you’ve got a good man and you know it, why are you going to violate the 80/20 rule by going and getting with some other guy because he may make a little more money and be willing to do these outrageous things for you that you never made clear to the man you actually HAVE in the first place?
If you’re a good man and you’ve got a good woman and you know it, why risk it for some smut who, while probably possessing a couple of STDs, and maybe another that yet has a name, will probably try to Turkey Baste your ass and have you up for the next 18-23 years? Is it really worth all that? And the grief it will cause the woman who stuck by you up until that point, through thick and thin?
Whenever God blesses me with the woman who will appreciate me for who I am, the sentiment will be reciprocated, but I wrote all of these things just to say this:
I WONDER ABOUT PEOPLE SOMETIMES.