Characterization of MLB Fans


Characterization of MLB Fans
M.D. Wright
1.12.09

Back on September 11, 2008, I did a characterization of NFL fans. I started to do a follow-up with Baseball, but I had an impending surgery that week and got busier with school.

If you don’t fit into these, please don’t seek to hang me by my thumbs. They are generalizations and based upon real fans that I have encountered face to face at games, casually at various different venues or on message boards and other internet-based “locales”.

Without further ado, let’s get it…

AL East
BALTIMORE ORIOLES. I knew a few Orioles fan until guys like Eddie Murray left town and Cal Ripken, Jr. retired. I don’t think I know one, now. The few Orioles fans that I knew were good people, though. They love baseball — and these people KNOW HOW TO TAILGATE. Man oh man. And Boog Powell’s grill is over the wall going toward the harbor. I’ve been there before. GREAT experience.

BOSTON RED SOX. Before I really light into them, I have to delineate. These guys have two groups of fans (and a subset in the other group). The REAL Red “Sawrx” fan is actually not that bad to deal with. Especially those who are over age 25. They were the ones who suffered through never winning anything. They acknowledged that there was no “rivalry” between the Red Sox and Yankees. The Red Sox were just JEALOUS of the Yankees. Arguably, that is stil the case (26 World Series Championships to 7 for Boston). However, they KNOW THEIR BASEBALL. No one can say they don’t.

Now, for the bandwagoners that have mostly come along since 2004 — they compromise about 1/3 of the Red Sox fan base. The Red Sox “Nation” is “led” by a bunch of yahoos who like to brag about 2004 and 2007 and don’t really know baseball. Unfortunately, this is who most baseball fans encounter when they are Red Sox “fans”. These are usually college-aged drunkards who pass out at bars or spend 3 hours yelling expletives at Yankee players senselessly should they even be allowed in Yankee Stadium or Fenway PAHK. They are the worst.

Shame is, most REAL Red Sawrx fans I know personally are really cool.

NEW YORK YANKEES. The most knowledgeable fans in baseball (Mets and Red Sox are close seconds). Much like the Red Sox, the Yankees have two sets of fans. The Knowledgeable fan who doesn’t brag and never brings up 39/26 and will talk about pitchers with “filthy” stuff objectively on any team and EMBARRASS you with their sports knowledge in general.

The Fake Yankee fan is so annoying, even to Real Yankee fans. They brag, brag, brag and can’t name our set-up man or who the 3B coach is. They are an embarrassment to anyone who supports the Yankees. They taunt fans of other teams (especially Red Sox and Mets fans) and generally make people who don’t live in New York HATE the Yankees. Another trait of the Fake Yankee fan is the fact that they have ABSOLUTELY no ties whatsoever to New York City. Why they even become fans of the team is beyond me.

TAMPA BAY RAYS. Good Lord, they have a ton of fans all of a sudden. I’d hate to see it if they had won the World Series (although I wish they would’ve — Philadelphia sports fans are back to their uncouth selves due to that and the Iggles defeating the champs in the NFL in the 2009 playoffs). Much like the Buccaneers in the NFL, most of the Rays’ fans are transplants from the northeast. Indeed, they weren’t even selling games out until the playoffs. I can’t really speak on the “real” fans — all 713 of them. The rest are just bandwagoners. I’ll give them another decade or so. Alls I know is UNCG is full of people who have absolutely NO ties to Tamper except people who went to Ybor City during Spring Break or something.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS. I like these guys. They’re mostly likeable people. They don’t tailgate, they do like their drink, though. They love their baseball. And if you try to talk about the current state of the team, they WILL bring up their back-to-back World Series winning teams in 1992 and 1993 (and very well would have won in 1994 if not for the Players’ Union strike 2/3 through the season).

AL CENTRAL
CHICAGO WHITE SOX. White Sox fans are pretty few and far between. I haven’t known too many over the years. I do know they had an inferiority complex before 2005. No one cared about them. Even most of their fans hah. I do like listening to Ken “Hawk” Harrelson on WGN, however. His calls are great. The few fans that I have known have inferiority complexes and always seem to fear the worst. They also think they always get the shaft when it comes to trades and free agents (even though Kenny Williams is one of the best GMs out there).

CLEVELAND INDIANS. Indians fans are much like Browns fans. They LOVE their drink. Indians fans know their history and know baseball in general, but I have come to dislike many of them. They are obviously pissed they didn’t cash in on those great teams they had from 1993-2001. I don’t know. Overall, they’re okay. But I have known a few jerks here and there.

DETROIT TIGERS. The Tigers fan is your typical fan of all the Detroit-area teams. They KNOW baseball and will argue with anyone about it. They have a great history and they know it thoroughly. I haven’t known too many fake Tigers fans, but most of these guys seem to live in towns with the name “Hills” at the end and throw beers at their dad’s decks when they get upset. Beware when their pitching is bad.

KANSAS CITY ROYALS. I have known ONE Royals fan in my life. And they knew I was a Yankee fan, so they complained about salary caps and the Yankees’ spending for players. I doubt they even cared about actual baseball.

MINNESOTA TWINS. Ahhhh… the Minnesooooota Twins. Their fans are something else. I will say they are very much passionate abote/aboot their team. They know baseball, but in the years they are not winning, they tend to complain when the Mets or Angels or teams like that raid their team of their prized players. I hate fans that complain about payroll. Remember that as you read along.

AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Orange County of Los Angeles. Is that whole stupid name thing over with yet? Yikes. Anyway, their fan base has swelled this decade. Before that, all they could talk about was Finley, Langston and the days of old with a washed-up Reggie Jackson. Now, they’re arrogant jerks who like to point out how they have had the Yankees’ number since 2000. OK.

However, for the majority of them, they seem to value pitching and talking about it more than their lineup — which is pretty good.

OAKLAND ATHLETICS. These guys. Hah. Billy Beane got them drinking the Jim Jones Flavor-Aid. “Sabremetrics” is all I have to say. That’s their rationale for the guys they spend money on, or release and don’t pay large contracts. Their fans go into every year they will contend, when they really haven’t been SERIOUS contenders since Dave Stewart was scowling on the mound and Rickey was being Rickey (congrats on the HOF induction, BTW).

SEATTLE MARINERS. Dear God. These guys have had it bad since Kenneth left town. Yikes. I feel bad for them. They field an inferior product, have a bloated payroll full of high-priced free agents who don’t produce and they are one of the worst teams in the league. It’s so bad that players and fans alike have turned on Ichiro. The guy gets 200 hits and hits .330 every year. Good Lord. This year has not been good to Seattle fans in ANY sport (U. of Washington, Seattle SuperSonics, Seattle Seahawks, Seattle Mariners — and, by extension, Washington State — ALL BAD). If you make jokes about it, the Hal Liu down at the fresh market with throw a salmon at you.

TEXAS RANGERS. Tons of offence, no pitching. Their fans are okay with it, it seems. I only know a few personally, but the rest of them like going to games in 97 degree heat and seeing 15-13 games that last 4 1/2 hours. They can BBQ with the best of them, though. I would love to take in a Yankee/Ranger game down there in Arlington.

NL EAST
ATLANTA BRAVES. I hate them. Passionately. The thing is, they brag as if they are relevant. Along with the Buffalo Bills, they are the butt of peoples’ jokes when they talk about futility in the playoffs and teams that choke when it matters. Besides, the Yankees beat them TWICE in four years in the World Series. They made the World Series FIVE TIMES and only won one (who even remembers it?) They tailgate pretty good, though. That is, the ones who show up. Turner Field rarely sells out anymore. People in Atlanta are front-runners. They only pack the arena when the teams are doing well (see: Boston Celtics vs. Atlanta Hawks — 2008 NBA Playoffs).

FLORIDA MARLINS. Alot of these guys are transplant New Yorkers. However, they never go to their games. The few who do definitely know their baseball. They like to bring up to Mets and Yankee fans that THEY are the last team amongst that bunch to win a World Series (2003) and have won just as many (2) as the Mets have. Yikes. Maybe people in Miami have better things to do than to watch great pitching and great young hitters while dodging lightning strikes and random deluges at 3:30 PM when the humidity is like 84%.

NEW YORK BASEBALL METS. The Met fan is like the Red Sox fan used to be. Optimistic to the end, but always expecting the worst. They know their sports by default, as New Yorkers. They have become accustomed to their team saying “Before I Self-Destruct…” like a certain rapper also from Queens says. I was initially a Met fan from 1984-1989, but they never choked back then. I changed teams because the Yankees began to get on TV more often. Prior to that, my great aunt — who lived on Long Island — was a die hard Mets fan, and her daughter, who I lived with years ago, was also. So Mets was all I knew. Then, in 1990, the Yanks were on TV more and they had my favorite player in all of sports, Deion Sanders. However, the Mets fan right now knows heartbreak a bit too much. It’s awful, because they deserve better. If you encounter a Met fan who is also a New York Football Giants fan, don’t crack jokes — they may terminate you on sight.

PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES. Dear God I hate their fans. As with all Philly teams, their fans are the scum of the earth and have ZERO couth. They can’t handle prosperity (nor can their teams, who routinely choke) without bragging incessantly. If you don’t believe me, just read the comments page on the New York Post this week as the writers nail the Giants for losing to the Iggles. It is the same way when the Phillies beat the Mets. The team is one thing, but the fans are enough to make you hate a team more than satan himself. Good Lord.

WASHINGTON NATIONALS. Ahhhh the Expos-cum-Nationals. I almost forget this team used to be in Montreal. They have a few fans… I think. They just got their hearts broken when all the free agents passed on them. Oh well.

NL CENTRAL
CHICAGO CUBS. Definitely some of the best fans in all of sports. They don’t seem to know much about baseball though hah. Nah, that’s not true. They know, but they don’t talk it incessantly like Red Sox, Yankee and Met fans do. They care more about being on WGN’s cameras, getting trashed and eating fattening burgers at the game. I’d definitely love to take in a game there. Cubs fans are fun.

CINCINNATI REDS. They live in the past. Everything is about the Big Red Machine and comparing the futility of the team to that era. They had some teams in the late 80s and early 90s under Sparky Anderson, but most of the fans I know (half dozen, probably?) only know the bad teams they’ve had from 1995-present. They don’t do anything well. They don’t tailgate. They aren’t really passionate and don’t really talk baseball that well.

HOUSTON ASTROS. I don’t know any of them personally. I can’t really speak about them.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS. These guys know how to do it, man. They have a friggin’ water slide in left-center field. ha. They know how to eat. They LOVE their drink. I mean, they’re the BREWERS for crying out loud. They have raucous fans. But their team has been unable to win anything since I was three.

PITTSBURGH PIRATES. I pity these guys. Only memories of pitchers using LSD and pitching no-hitters and “We Are Fa-ma-lee”. Yikes. Barry Bonds once played there. People almost forget they had good teams with Bonds, Van Slyke, Drabek and ol’ Tim Wakefield. I don’t know how their fans are sane. But they like to brag about the Steelers when they get a chance. Since they are basically all the same fans.

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS. I hate them. I can’t really say much else. They talk like the team is great, and it’s not. Who wouldn’t hate fans like these?

NL WEST
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS. Their fans are cool. They have fun. It’s never cold out there. They have a SWIMMING POOL in right-center field. Yikes. They are still learning how to tailgate. They are the types who drink wine coolers with filet mignon at a game. What the…?

COLORADO ROCKIES. I actually know a few Rockies fans. They are good people. They are novices when it comes to baseball, though. However, they have a fun team to watch and their fans pretty much just ride the wave. Owwwwwww.

LOS ANGELES DODGERS. Joe Dodger is just like Joe Giant fan. These guys played in Brooklyn until their GREEDY owners left for “greener pastures” in Chavez Ravine. OK. Their fans are baseball SAVANTS, though. They can dissect a box score like few others and they know their baseball — despite most of their fans not being New Yorkers that followed the team from Ebbets Field to Chavez Ravine.

SAN DIEGO PADRES. The Fathers’ fans have resigned themselves to knowing they’re never going to win anything in their lifetimes. The team doesn’t spend on the right players. They play in an old park (by baseball standards) and don’t have a team that is capable of winning for long stretches. They have their nice San Diego Super Weather, though.

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS. Bunch of idiots. Wading in 50 degree waters to get a home run ball in “McCovey Cove”? Psh. They’re fickle and they’re homers. They worship Barry Bonds, while everyone else hates Bonds. They stole our team — which is the reason the NFL’s Giants are (and still called) the “New York Football Giants”. The baseball team played in Harlem and they stole it! I will never forgive them for this.

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