My NFL Week 17 Powre Rankings
At this point, ya are what your records says ya are. These rankings don’t mean anything.
1. New York Football Giants. I don’t care what you say. As Steve Schwanda says, I’m right. You’re wrong.
2. Tennessee Titans. Impressive win Sunday. They would not be able to do that to the Giants, though.
3. Indianapolis Colts. NO ONE wants to play them. Including the Giants.
4. Carolina Panthers. Second-best team in the NFC, but Jake Delhomme = Kerry Collins 2.0. In the playoffs, that means you’ll never win a Super Bowl facing a good-to-great defence. Too bad the rest of the team is Super Bowl calibre.
5. Baltimore Ravens. Bawlamo’ is another team no one wants to face. Hopefully Joe Flacco doesn’t go Flaccid (nh). Ed Reed = Defensive Player of the Year.
6. Pittsburgh Steelers. Roethlisberger is killing them trying to make the Perfect Play every time he drops back to pass. Look out for this in the playoffs. They could easily slip up against their Divisional Playoff opponent — which could be Baltimore or Indianapolis.
7. Atlanta Falcons. The Fulcons are a tough team to beat. In fact, unless they draw the Giants (possible) in the Divisional Playoff, they have a pretty good track to the NFC Championship game. The Fulcons can move the ball against anyone with Michael “The Burner” Turner and Matt “Matty Ice” Ryan is outperforming himself. Roddy White had a letdown last week, but he should get huge numbers this week (one week too late for fantasy purposes). The Saints’ defence is not impregnable. The Fulcons’ offence, however, is.
8. Miami Dolphins. Wow. 1-15 to 11-5 and division winners. Who’s your favourite team NOW?
9. Minnesota Vikings. They’ve earned it. But does anyone really fear this team? No.
10. Dallas Cowboys. They’re an enigma. They can win Sunday and make the Super Bowl. They could conceivably lose Sunday (and CHI, TB lose) and miss the playoffs. Dear god.
11. New England Patriots. I hate them. But hey. Poetic Justice will be if the Jets lose and Ravens win on Sunday.
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Wrong time to lose 3 straight.
13. New York Football Jets. The Football Mets… uh… JETS are reeling in the late innings… uh… games. Good lord.
14. Chicago Bears. They don’t deserve to go to the playoffs.
15. San Diego Chargers. (puts on Captain QB & The Big Boyz disco song) San Di-e-go… SUPER CHARGERS… San Di-e-go.. CHARRRRRGERS!!! San Di-e-go… SUPER CHARGERS… San Di-e-gooooo CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGERS CHARGE!!!
16. New Orleans Saints. I could not figure this team out all year. But if they beat the Panthers Sunday, they’ll at least finish 9-7.
17. Philadelphia Eagles. The Iggles may very well win Sunday, but with no running game, they stand no chance in the playoffs.
18. Houston Texans. A hiccup against Oakland Sunday, but they’ll end the Bears’ season this Sunday.
19. Arizona Cardinals. Is there a more uninspiring team (amongst those in the playoffs) in the NFL?
20. Washington Redskins. What a train wreck the second half of the season was for them. I expected them to actually finish strong after a bad middle-of-the-season, not vice-versa.
21. Denver Broncos. They blew it. They lost two in a row and now stand to miss the playoffs to losing to the Chargers IN San Diego. They will. Philip Rivers has revenge on his mind for the Ed Hochuli Game and being snubbed in the Pro Bowl voting in favor of Denver’s Jay Cutler.
22. Buffalo Bills. The Bills can end the Patriots’ season Sunday. With Trent Edwards back, they just might do it.
23. San Francisco 49ers. They are finishing pretty solidly.
24. Seattle Seahawks. They really aren’t that bad. Injuries killed their season before it ever began.
25. Green Bay Packers. Ouch.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars. Not even a chance to play spoiler will get this team up to win a game Sunday.
27. Oakland Raiders. Yuck.
28. Kansas City Chiefs. WE CAN BUILD ON THIS!!!
29. Cleveland Browns. P.U.
30. Cincinnati Bengals. Lawdamerrrrcy.
31. St. Louis. Good lord.
32. Detroit Lions. DEAR GOD. The agony will end at Lambeau (meaning, they’ll lose — while the buses never shut off their engines outside). The Lions are pitiful and a disgrace to the NFL.