Men Are Intimidated By Women Who Have More Education/Make More Money…
Well, let’s examine that a little bit. I will use my own empirical research and the experiences of a few of my contemporaries to back up my suppositions.
Women have made strides to narrow the gap between themselves and men in the areas of education and wages. I, for one, while DEFINITELY not a feminist, am glad to see it happening. However, there has been a few downsides to this. One of them is the now classic “men are intimidated by…” rhetoric. Let’s explore.
First of all, many (not even most, BUT STILL, many) men have fragile egos. The slightest blow, perceived or real, to that ego makes those type of men feel emasculated for some unknown reason. A woman who makes more money than he does — whether it be for a short period while she’s gettin’ it in at a Fortune 500 and he’s in school or working a lower-level job, or just a deadbeat (the ones who are truly intimidated 98% of the time) — and he has to endure the ridicule of his buddies when it comes to their education and/or income gap.
Let me set the record straight. No self-respecting, SECURE man really gives a flip about whether she has more income and material possessions than he does. Heck, especially if he is doing something with himself and just not on her level (yet) why would it matter? Personally, given that I am pretty much a college lifer, until I cross the New York State Bar and begin practicing law, the woman I marry will be making more money than I will be for a while (unless, of course, my businesses jump off like I believe they will when I move back to New York). I definitely h ave no problem with it. No sense in both of us having to eke by on subsistence level, right? LOL
Anyway, I know a lot of guys who are in that situation. Not a one of them cares about it. Why? First of all, none of my dudes are insecure cats! (A couple of my friends are married to women who make more than they do and are further than they are educationally at the moment. Insecurity is weakness and is poison to a man’s swag, so I don’t associate with insecure dudes. PERIOD.) It’s all a means to an end. If you have to go through it for 6 months or 6 years, you know she’s with you for the right reasons, not to try and style on you and bring up the fact every time there is a disagreement.
However, the real reason I was motivated to blog about this phenomenon is that the statement itself is just blither and hogwash from women who have serious issues with arrogance, overinflated sense of self-worth and placing too much emphasis on material things and temporal pursuits as a defining measure for their lives.
I actually was part of a forum and a panel discussion was centered around issues that single people have in life. This one chick who is notorious for being a label you-know-what and always needing to have the “best” (i.e. most expensive of everything) stood up and made this statement. To my surprise (although the panel was bereft of non-feminine guys outside of myself, the pastor who was leading it and a few other guys) I heard more women sucking their teeth and giving the “oh no she did-en” tone. It’s one thing when you run into a guy or two who really has issues with chauvinism, and therefore has a problem with women being educated and making more money than him.
I love educated women. I am a super nerd and can talk intelligbly about almost anything. Those of you who really know me know this and sometimes shake your head in amazement or mock me for my broad vernacular and knowledge of seemingly obscure details. But this particular panel really stuck out in my mind (it was in 2005) and everytime I hear the statement being uttered, or I read it somewhere, I think of that panel. Now everyone who knows this chick knows she’s full of herself, and most of the women who utter the phrase are just like her. Could it be THAT itself — that self-centered/me-first attitude is what makes those guys uncomfortable and not whether you have a little more change or a degree or two more than he does? Worth thinking about.
The ironic thing is, those self same women, if given a chance to get with a man of worthy character and HAPPENS to not match the Ph.D. or JD that she has on her mantle or has one less “0” on his annual salary — those women will pass up on the guy, thinking she’ll have to “take care of him” and voicing their sincere opposition to the idea. The guy could be busting his hump working 70 hours a week and taking online courses (I know three guys like that personally), but she thinks it’s all about her income vs. his. It’s balderdash. This is one of the reasons I refuse to listen to 90% of women who are close to 30 when they start whining about there supposedly being a dearth of good, available men. I used to ask them a battery of questions regarding how they used to play games with guys’ emotions in high school and college, or how they passed up on guys solely based upon his income, or how they were just doing the things that most young women do (you reap what you sow, no need to pity someone who is reaping what they have sown).
I could go on and on about this, but I’ve made my point. Realize a good thing when you have it, only 3-5 great ones come along in life — passing up on one based upon a few material possessions that you may have and he might not (and it can easily change the next day) is not a good look. It’s going to be 2009 soon, and it’s BEEN time out for such bunk…