Nugget Time: The Perils of Always Being in a Relationship and Unwilling to Ever Be Alone
It never ceases to amaze how the two base genders fail to develop common ground in the areas of communication, understanding of one another and working in lockstep to achieve the same end. Both ultimately desire the same things, but go about realizing those ends in completely different fashions; whether it be logic-based, emotion-based, circumstance-based or otherwise. The ends do not always justify the means, nor are the means always mutually exclusive with the ends. Further, and worse yet, sometimes the very things that both desire are approached with counterproductive and counterintuitive measures.
What do you mean, you ask?
There are two types of men in the sense of self-actualization, self-evaluation and being completely transparent with one’s self and others: a) the one who doesn’t care how people perceive them with regards to expressing themselves, their desires, their emotions, their weaknesses and vulnerabilities, as well as the areas where they are strong, and b) those who prefer to operate from behind a façade of machismo, ego and feigned confidence; thereby masking their true motives and sentiments about women and what they desire from a woman.
Men all desire the same things from women. Some fail to truly understand how those desires work in tandem with how they comport themselves. What does this mean? Men desire to be wanted, needed, to lead, to provide literal and figurative covering for a woman, sexual attraction and fulfillment, unconditional support and loyalty, among other things. Some men know this and go full speed ahead pursuing after a woman who provides such. As difficult as it may be to find a woman who is equally yoked with him in this regard, he does not budge from his vision and will continue working to fulfill his overall life’s purpose until he meets her. This does not mean that he never partakes in the waters of sexual fulfillment and temporary dating relationships in the interim, but he ultimately knows what he wants and what a woman looks like who embodies those traits.
Most men can enter relationships whenever they desire, but the function isn’t the same for women. Think about it, and think honestly about it. It is true.
Much is made by both genders about how the other seemingly does not know what he/she wants. Some know, others think they know, but fail to recognize what that person looks like when they actually encounter the person who embodies those characteristics. This is where discernment comes in. Everyone possesses a measure of discernment. Some chose to sharpen their discernment by utilizing it on a regular basis, some rarely, if ever use discernment, while others still resort to relying on lazy stereotypes, hiding behind generalizations and defeatist mentalities in order to shield themselves from what they believe will be inevitable disappointment, heartache and betrayal.
Some men have been deceived into believing that they are supposed to be domineering over a woman, such that she aborts her own individual life’s purpose to assume that of the man she is with at that point in time. This is faulty thinking, and something that both men and women are guilty of doing. So often we see women lose their entire identities in the process, while men who think this way become drunken with the desire to control, manipulate and domineer the woman he is with. This, along with the inherent selfishness that many people fail to ever grow out of, are the crux of the main issues which destroy relationships, or doom them before they even begin.
Other men possess a fear of commitment, as do women, and prefer to get by on a string of superficial, pointless “situationships” that yield little to nothing positive in the end. Falsely profound and “fake woke” people will lead you to believe that everything is a “learning experience” when some situations should be avoided and some of the pain that is the resultant effect of haphazard, unaccountable and practically reckless living without a compass or a plan can be avoided by learning from the mistakes of others. Not everything “happens for a reason.” To suggest such is to suggest that there is no such thing as free will. And, unless you are imprisoned, you exert free will in every single thing you do with each passing heartbeat throughout every day. Regardless of what your faith belief (notice the term “religion” isn’t used here, for the “spiritual, not religious” types) may entail, this is a universal truth: we possess free will. In all areas. What you decide to do — or someone steps in and does without your consent, resulting in potentially years of pain and headache — is what happens for a reason, not some predetermined outcome that is set in stone regardless of whims, desires and the exertion of free will.
To suggest otherwise is the acme of folly.
Some men think that adding notches to his belt whenever he can is the apogee of masculinity. Others assert that monogamy is impossible and attach others’ faith beliefs because they cannot wrap their minds around the depths of both the human psyche and the long-term ramifications of short-term decision-making and fulfillment of lust-based desires. To put it another way, what you do today… whether it be five wives, or one wife with 10 “side chicks” will often yield ramifications that you could not foresee years prior. Most people think in the moment and don’t realize the decisions they make today can have years-long, if not lifetime effects. And not positive, either.
Men ultimately know what they want, some are not honest with themselves about how they seek to realize those outcomes in relation to a woman. Don’t ever let a man (or woman) tell you that men don’t know what they want. They do. Whether they deem it worthwhile to pursue after that woman (or, if they are turtles, beta males and overall weaklings who live in a constant state of fear and passivity) is another story. Men are intentional. When even the weakest willed man wants something, his focus becomes laser-like and he will stop at nothing to achieve and fulfill that desire. That is universal. This is ultimately why women appear foolish in allowing a man to string them along for years without a firm commitment.
There is no “it’s complicated.” He is either truly all-in with you, or he does not view you as nothing but an electric blanket for his bed, while he searches for greener pastures to pursue before leaving you high and dry altogether in the end. If a man wants a woman, he will stop at nothing in his pursuit of her, unless she completely and utterly shuts him down.
Men who are always in and out of poisonous relationships should be the ones who are red flags to women, not men who are judicious enough to not constantly enter relationships just for the sake of it. So often you hear women toss out flawed philosophy about what is a “red flag” with men: Over 30 and no kids, no relationship longer than “x” number of years, no serious relationship in “x” number of years, etc. How does that work, given the aforementioned? That’s women applying women’s thinking to men’s actions. It does not work. Men choose when they want to be in relationships. Those who want the right woman are not going to be in and out of relationships every few months. It is virtually impossible to properly discern who is a worthwhile woman within one’s sphere by doing so. And then there is the emotional bond. Some people actually think that getting with someone who they knew was with someone else when they got with them is going to end well. Once in a while, it may. But how you got them is oftentimes how you lose them.
Women are driven primarily by their emotions. That is not to suggest that women are incapable of and never utilize logic. Those who suggest this are foolish, as well. However, the emotional inclinations in conjunction with the natural desire for relationship (that is friendships, romantic relationships, and any other type of relationship) causes a conflict when — as we have seen in recent years — women attempt to play ‘catch up’ with how men have mostly always mistreated women in the areas of cheating, lying, deceiving and constantly with an eye on greener pastures.
We know how the latter manifests in women versus how it was previously illustrated in its manifestation among men: selling (expletive) to the highest bidder. Whether or not it is literally titled as such is irrelevant. The actions are akin with selling “it” to the highest bidder.
This is not all women, of course.
waste spend their prime years running behind the absolute dregs of the human male species, then subsequently become jaded, tossed to and fro by every wild wind of doctrine in order to make recompense, and then fail to realize the man who is good for them when he actually does come around. The amount of times this happens is galling, for those who observe the actions and decisions of others. We live in and we learn, yes. But after a while, one must step back and assess matters and years of flawed decision-making and realize that she is the common denominator in all of the dead-end relationships she’s ever been in.
Attempting to live second childhoods befalls many men and women. Maybe you didn’t get to play Fast Car like Tracy Chapman in high school or college, or you were locked down at a young age, and want to act like a 16 year old in middle age. To each his/her own, but what is the end game?
If you are always in a relationship, how do you expect an intentional man to “find” and pursue you? If we have established that how you get them (in this case, one man luring you away from another) is how you lose them, why is there an expectation on the part of so many women that men are going to just bypass the fact that you are in a relationship — that you know is dead end, as the man you’re with has shown you his true colors, resulting in the same ending that each of your other relationships faced — and try to make something that will last and be fruitful, if he knows you’re involved with someone else? There is no “Old Maid” if you are fulfilling your individual purpose. Be alone for a while. You won’t combust if you aren’t in a relationship for 362 out of 365 days every year.
Could it be that the reason that so many of you BELIEVE there are few to no good men is because you’re always in a relationship, and good men — no matter if they are alpha males, or beta, or omega or anything in between — if they want something more than coitus from you, are not going to give you the time of day? Change your ways and get different results.
Expecting a man who has already shown you that he is poison to you at the end of the day, hoping that he will magically change is akin to cheating to win in Monopoly, taking that “money” to an actual bank and expecting the teller to give you real United States Dollars (or whatever form of money you wish). As stupid as it sounds to take fake money and expect real money in exchange, this is truly what trying to force a doomed-from-the-start “relationship” to work, when it isn’t destined to work (and you know it, deep down).
Worse yet — you become content with him, because you either feel like you will wade off into a state of invisibility in the eyes of men, or don’t think there is anyone worthwhile out there otherwise, or, even still, you fail to realize that what is best for you may not come packaged the way you fantasize and idealize. Men who actually find the apple of their eyes will tell you that while they do adore the woman they’re with, and find her attractive, that in some cases, she did not come packaged the way that he dreamed about or fixated upon a particular aesthetic and would have erstwhile missed out on her if she didn’t look a certain way. Some women have learned this. Silly women get hung up on superficial things and ignore death knells and wonder why they continue to get the same results. Silly women also refuse to ever be alone for any period of time, never examine themselves for where they can change and grow, and blame every man she deals with — and seemingly every man she has never met — for her own flawed decision-making and failure to assess what she needs to change in order to achieved her supposed desired ends.
If the common denominator in all the broken relationships is you — and worse still, you don’t REALIZE it’s you — it may be a good time to be alone for a while.
You might (pleasantly) surprise yourself when you realize how your perspective on things changes while not being tied up in the worst of your emotions with the worst of men for all but five days out of the calendar year throughout your entire adult life.